I surrender all? Really?

Last May I walked across the stage to receive my college diploma and I was ready to take on the world. I packed my bags and moved back here to Oklahoma City. The following week I drove down to the corner of NW 9th and McKinley to begin a career. To my surprise, the so called "job" I took with Cross & Crown really isn't a job at all. It is a complete lifestyle shift. And, to tell you the truth, I wouldn't change it for the world. I know that I am in a very unique situation because every morning when I get up I'm actually excited to go to work.

A few mornings ago I went into work armed with my cup of coffee and a burden on my shoulders. I was ready to talk to anyone that would listen and Ron just happened to be that person.

The burden I shared with Ron is this...
Is it possible to pour yourself out completely to inner city ministry and not feel detached from the rest of the middle class world?

I don't know the answer. I'm probably going to have to take a poll of other inner city missionaries to find this out. I do know this... every day when I go about my life, whether it be starbucks with a friend, jogging on the treadmill or a family dinner, there are a million thoughts that consume my mind. Did "Marco" pass that math test today? Has "Joe's" family found a place to live yet? Did "Maria" decide to keep the baby? It's midnight on a school night.. are our Rock Island kids still roaming the streets? Did "Jose" manage to make it another weekend without going to jail? I haven't figured out how to calm all those thoughts. I know that God brings peace that passes all understanding but I also know that the Holy Spirit has placed a burden on me for the broken-hearted. How do I balance the two?

My "normal" life seems so unimportant now. Less than a year ago I was consumed with romantic relationships, my college grades, the dents in my car and how I was going to lose the dreaded 10 lbs. for swimsuit season. All of those things seem so trivial now. Most times when I go out with friends I feel like they don't get me and we have nothing in common. How could they sit and talk for hours about Britney Spears shaving her head when there are toddlers 5 minutes away that are going hungry because their mom used her grocery money to buy crack?

By writing all this, I'm not judging any one's priorities or saying that my friends are superficial. That's not the case at all. If you saw what I see everyday, the same thoughts would consume you too. I just want to know if it's possible to be a middle class missionary or is God calling me to completely surrender my comforts and luxuries to live like a true servant? I'll update you on what conclusion I come to as I study. I close with the words to this song... they were written in 1896 but they ring more and more true to me every day.

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In his presence daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken,
Take me Jesus, take me now.

I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.