I stay the same.

I've just returned from a long journey. 19 days to be exact. I haven't found a job yet... so as I stayed here in Oklahoma City I was going stir crazy. I had to get away because every spare moment I've had I have wanted to hop in my car and drive down to the neighborhood, check on my kids and make sure they are okay. Yes... I still call them "my kids". They will always be my kids, even when they are old.

I told myself that when I got back here I would be rid of any bitterness and resentment I had before I left. So I spent 19 days wondering around: going to the beach, riding a bike, reading LOTS of books and just being with God. Asking him what I do next. I have found my identity for my entire adult life in my Rock Island kids, in people and relationships tied up in the neighborhood. Now that the net has fallen out from under me, who am I?

After 19 days of time figuring out who I want to be I finally figured it out. I'm who I was 19 days ago. An "ordinary radical". I don't like to follow the rules, I'm ridiculously opinionated about anyone with an opposing view than me on immigration, I believe EVERY KID is worth the effort and that none should fall through the cracks, I believe working in the inner city isn't a 9-5 job, it's a lifestyle (some people haven't figured that out), and I sin and make mistakes every day but my relationship with my God is extremely intimate and top priority.

I'm still me. I may take a job that pays the bills and I will probably even like the job. But my kids will always be where my heart is and I don't want anyone to doubt that. I love that every night before I go to bed I will usually get 3-4 text messages from different kids asking how my day went and if I have a new job yet. I love that I got a call yesterday from one of my kids in Mexico letting me know he's safe and coming home, because he knew I would worry. It took me 19 days to realize that jobs change, but I stay the same.