Use Me Here.

Update

2008-09-26T13:28:00.002-05:00

I have dreams of returning to blogging when I have more stories to share. So I'm not going to abandon my blog just yet.

The past few weeks have been interesting. I've been on the job search like crazy and haven't had any luck. It started out as a fun search to see what I wanted to be when I grow up. Now it's gotten to the point to where I am just wondering when I might see a paycheck in the future. I've come to realize that a job search isn't about looking on monster.com or sending your resume in to headhunters. It's all about who you know. Anyone got any ideas?!?!

I can't stay away from the kids. Sunday nights at Cross & Crown have started back so I do go to the worship service. Took a couple of kiddos to go see High School Musical on Ice. Had dinner at some houses of neighborhood families. Yesterday took a kid shopping that was embarrassed to go to school cause nothing fit. I talk to a lot of them on the phone. I'm so lucky that I still get to be a big part of the kids lives.

That's my update... more later I hope.

I stay the same.

2008-09-03T21:11:00.003-05:00

I've just returned from a long journey. 19 days to be exact. I haven't found a job yet... so as I stayed here in Oklahoma City I was going stir crazy. I had to get away because every spare moment I've had I have wanted to hop in my car and drive down to the neighborhood, check on my kids and make sure they are okay. Yes... I still call them "my kids". They will always be my kids, even when they are old.

I told myself that when I got back here I would be rid of any bitterness and resentment I had before I left. So I spent 19 days wondering around: going to the beach, riding a bike, reading LOTS of books and just being with God. Asking him what I do next. I have found my identity for my entire adult life in my Rock Island kids, in people and relationships tied up in the neighborhood. Now that the net has fallen out from under me, who am I?

After 19 days of time figuring out who I want to be I finally figured it out. I'm who I was 19 days ago. An "ordinary radical". I don't like to follow the rules, I'm ridiculously opinionated about anyone with an opposing view than me on immigration, I believe EVERY KID is worth the effort and that none should fall through the cracks, I believe working in the inner city isn't a 9-5 job, it's a lifestyle (some people haven't figured that out), and I sin and make mistakes every day but my relationship with my God is extremely intimate and top priority.

I'm still me. I may take a job that pays the bills and I will probably even like the job. But my kids will always be where my heart is and I don't want anyone to doubt that. I love that every night before I go to bed I will usually get 3-4 text messages from different kids asking how my day went and if I have a new job yet. I love that I got a call yesterday from one of my kids in Mexico letting me know he's safe and coming home, because he knew I would worry. It took me 19 days to realize that jobs change, but I stay the same.

Take me out to the ball game!

2008-08-11T22:51:00.003-05:00

It just occurred to me that I never blogged about my last event with my kids. It happened 3 Saturdays ago and at the end of the day I texted Luke and said, "that might have been the most fun I have had with the RI kids in the past 6 years". I'll explain.

I don't know if I've ever blogged about my brother. He's 21 years old and just amazing. He and I are different in a lot of ways. He's a genius, presidential scholar and straight A student. He is super organized and really into numbers, the stock market and math. He is analytical, thinks through things before he acts and is just all around very disciplined and responsible. I'm scatter-brained at times. I can't do long division but in the past 24 hours I have read 374 pages. I'm emotional and impulsive. As different as we are, we have one thing in common... we love inner city ministry and the kids at Rock Island.

My brother is a busy guy and he doesn't have much time to get down to Cross & Crown. He plays college baseball at Northwood University in Dallas, so I called him a few months ago and asked if he might be interested in doing a one day baseball clinic for the Rock Island boys. From that moment on, he was hooked. He was so excited to use one of his gifts to spend time with the kids. Now when I say my brother is organized, it's an understatement. He rounded up donors and all kinds of things to make the day possible. He also recruited about 10 other college players that he knew to help coach at the clinic.

Every one of the 19 boys got a black baseball hat that said RI (for Rock Island), a water bottle and a used glove the second they entered the field. They were so excited (Even though it was around 105 degrees). In the morning they were split into stations and went through all the different stations to learn skills. Of the 19, only about 5 had ever thrown a baseball. At lunch time we cooked out hot dogs and the kids took turns taking batting practice and watching the coaches hit home runs. After lunch was the highlight of the day, the game. Every kid got a chance to hit and I was sooooooooo proud of them. After the game they practiced sliding on the slip-n-slide.

The thing that was the most amazing were the smiles of every single one of the boys. They were all grinning ear to ear all day. Not one single boy complained about the heat. They were just having fun, not thinking about life back home. At the end of the day they had an awards ceremony and handed out awards for sportsmanship, hustle, etc. BUT the highlight was the big surprise. The kids had been asking all day if they could keep the used gloves. When we told them that we had to save them for camp next year they were BUMMED. But, what they didn't know was that the bank my brother works at (Citizen's Bank of Edmond) had donated a brand new glove for every kid at camp to go home with. They each went home with a new glove and new baseball. They were so excited.. just jumping around and grinning. The most rewarding part was the drive home. I was exhausted and assumed the kids were too. They had been outside playing baseball in the heat for 8 hours. But as we pulled up to Rock Island one of them yelled, "lets go to park for a pickup game".. they all shouted and sprinted off. Many of the kids told me it was the best day they had ever had. I was blessed to get to witness it.

P.S. One mom even told me that her son has been sleeping with his glove and ball every night. :)

Here's a video from the exciting day.

My uncle Scott.

2008-08-03T23:14:00.002-05:00

Tonight something really amazing happened...but in order for you to understand how amazing it was.. I must take you back.

I have an uncle... his name is Scott. I remember praying for my uncle from the time I was a little child. ALWAYS. It was one of the automatics.. "Dear God, thank you for this day, thank you for my family, thank you for Jesus, please help uncle Scott..." My uncle had an alcohol problem. A serious alcohol problem. If you've ever had a loved one living addiction you know that you can't make the decision for them, they have to make it for themselves.. the hardest part was seeing how much my mom hurt for her brother. I remember writing him letters telling him how much I was praying for him. He was slowly drinking himself to death and didn't seem to care. It was painful to watch.

After 20 years of prayer and a divine intervention... my uncle decided to get help. When he decided to get help he called my mom. It took a few times for Scott to finally make the commitment, but when he did, Cross & Crown helped him pick up the pieces and get the help he needed. It has been amazing to watch the transformation in my uncle over the past 3 years. He has dedicated his life to Christ and is a completely new man. I'm so proud of him.

Tonight I saw the true evidence of his transformation and I saw his true heart. His pure heart. Some of my family was in town so we all went to my parents house for a cook-out. The doorbell rang and I went to open it. There at the door was my uncle Scott. I hadn't seen him since I resigned from my job. He knows how much I loved it and how hard this is for me. He just gave me the biggest hug and held on. Then the words came out of his mouth, "All these years you have been praying for me, now it's my time to pray for you" It's hard for me to imagine these words coming out of his mouth 5 years ago. But now it's so good to hear those words coming from him.

During this time in my life Scott is a constant reminder that God is a restorer of broken relationships, a mender of hurting hearts and a builder of torn down lives. I'm so happy to be a follower.

Here is a short video of Scott sharing his testimony months ago.

Give me time.

2008-07-29T22:10:00.003-05:00

I'm working on what I'm going to blog about on here. So please give me some time. I think the thing that has made the blog so appealing in the past has been that it has been stories of God's presence in the city.. it's hasn't been "stories of Chandy's life and journey...the diary of Chandy...all about Chandy" or at least I hope not. Again...it's stories of God revealing himself in the most awesome ways. I'm trying to find ways to write about that in everyday life in the suburbs, not just working full-time in the hood. Who knows... next time I write I might just be living in the hood. So give me time.. I'll figure out my new perspective.

In the meantime I'm thinking about the kids every moment of every day. Wondering what they're doing, what they're eating, if they're staying out of trouble, if they are happy or sad. I talked to two of my kids on the phone last night and they were updating me on all the latest news. I love those kids.

New Cross & Crown Blog

2008-07-22T21:12:00.002-05:00

FYI.... After much consideration I'm going to keep this blog. It's been such a good diary for me of the past 2 years.

If you want to read about more Cross & Crown stuff from Luke and Ron you can go to...

www.lukesfoodforthought.blogspot.com

A new chapter in my story.

2008-07-20T22:20:00.006-05:00

I've been wondering for about a week how I am going to write this blog...but I've come to the conclusion that no matter how much I think and pray about it, these words will not be easy. I'll cry as I type this...

I remember when I started at Cross and Crown a little over two years ago. I was a week out off college, living with my parents and confused about my future. I had a boyfriend who I thought I might marry and an exciting future ahead of me. I didn't know much, but I knew that I loved the kids in the neighborhood more than anything in the world and I had full intentions of being with them FOREVER.

Things have changed. I'm two years out of college, living on my own, broke up with the boyfriend........ AND....... I have been facing the hardest decision of my life for months now. Tomorrow I will meet with all my precious children and tell them that last week I turned my letter of resignation in at Cross & Crown. This week will be my last week there with them. How do I explain to them that I did promise I would be there forever but things have changed? I see adults promise those kids the world all the time and not follow through. I don't want to be one of those people. How do I explain to them that the last thing in the world I want to do is leave, but I just am? Where do I go from here?

I've been sick about this for some time now. No sleep and little food. (The only benefit of it all is the weight loss. Ha!) I don't have a safety net. I quit a job with no where to go and a mortgage and students loan payments and on and on. What am I thinking?

Here it is... I'm thinking that God knows how much I love every little soul in the C&C neighborhood. He knows that I would give my life for any one of those kids. My ministry won't stop now. I might not be lucky enough to have it as my full time job, but I will not stop spending time with those kids, having them at my house, and praying for them every day. No person can stop me from that. And when it comes to my finances I'm thinking that GOD IS GOOD. If I didn't trust Him in this storm then all the blogs, prayers and time with those kids meant nothing. This is my chance to live my life as an example and show them what it means to live out all the things I've been preaching to them. My God is "MIGHTY TO SAVE".

"The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Chandy

Wednesday Morning Breakfast

2008-07-09T22:48:00.002-05:00

I was blessed this morning...I got lucky. While the boys (Ron, Luke and John) were unloading 17,000 pounds of food, I had a chance to just be family with about 10 of the elementary kids.

They were all on the porch waiting when I got to work at 9. (They weren't supposed to be there til 10) Among them were a 2 year old and 4 year old asleep in a red wagon. Who knows how long they had been there just waiting. On days when I pull up to that, which is quite often, I always seem to get a big lump in my throat. So we went inside and "magically" there were just enough sausages and cinnamon rolls in the freezer to make breakfast for everyone. Some how I managed to cook it with the two wagon sleepers hanging on my back and a number of elementary "helpers" putting their paws all over the food. Afterwards we all just filled our plates and sat and watched cartoons.

For me, that was a typical Saturday and Sunday morning growing up. As I sat curled up on the couch with all of them I couldn't help but wonder if some of them had ever had hot breakfast. I also marveled at the PEACE. They were at home, glued to the t.v. with full bellies and the best part was that, unbeknownst to them, they were surrounded by the presence of God in Rock Island. There isn't a better place to be.

Preach it!-- Chandy

2008-07-07T10:53:00.005-05:00

During the summer months we have a very busy schedule, every day with the Rock Island kids is designated for a specific event or task. Mondays are movie day, Tuesdays are work projects, Wednesdays are hang outs and Thursday are bible study. Each of those days is special in it's own way, but there is nothing like Thursday bible studies. I will admit, there are some days when the atmosphere is a little quiet and intimidating, but last Thursday was not the case. The Holy Spirit was so evident from the first words of the bible study, "Why did God invent mosquitos?" to the last moment when 5 kids stood up to ask for prayer for things going on in their life. Let me explain a little more.

Most weeks we have a specific topic we talk about, but this last week we decided to do an open day for questions from the kids about God, the Bible and life in general. We handed out bibles to all the kids and challenged them to try to find answers to their questions in it. We started with a prayer and then opened up the floor for the kids to ask questions. The first question was from a small 10 year old, "why did God invent mosquitos if they don't do anything but bite you?" Luke, Ron and I look around at each other and grin, but before we have time to even blink, the same 10 year old is reading the story of creation right out of the bible. A little time goes by and a few questions.... and then we get to the meat... the good stuff. But first I have to go back a little bit.

You see, a few years ago we had a kid in the neighborhood who was an acquaintance... we'll call him Michael. He walked by a lot and hardly came in, I gave him a few rides places but kept my distance... his ankle bracelet issued by the Oklahoma Department of Corrections was quite a deterrent to anyone getting to know him too well. Fast forward to two weeks ago.. we hadn't seen or heard from Michael in about 3-4 years. In he walks to Rock Island with a big grin on his face. Last we saw of him he was a prepubescent teen standing about 5 feet tall and weighing less than a hundred pounds. Now he's a man well over 6 feet. He didn't tell us much about where he had been and what he had been up to, but he made a point to tell me many times that he specifically came to Rock Island to get his life straight and stay out of trouble. Now we can go back to last Thursday.

I watched Michael the entire bible study as kids asked questions and he didn't say much, then in a pause I hear a question, "how can you believe in God when you can't see him and don't know he is there?" Crickets... crickets... crickets..... I throw out a few vacation bible school answers but know it isn't satisfying his real desire to know.. Luke says some things.. Ron does.. John does... but they are just words to him. He wants to know how there can be a God when all his brothers and sisters are spread out in foster homes all over Oklahoma and he has spent the majority of his childhood and life in jail. Then I hear from a voice, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." The kid reading the verse is a new kid who I'll call Nate.. we hadn't seen this kid since last summer and heard that he had spent the past year in jail... but he just happened to show up for bible study that day. After he reads the verse he begins to testify... and I mean TESTIFY about God's presence in His life and how he knows God has been there through abuse, jail cells, etc. He has the bible in his hand, he is waving it and he is preaching. And every kid in Rock Island is silent... dead silent. They are soaking up his every word like a sponge. I was in the corner just boohooing like a baby as this 17 year old preached about what REAL love and grace are. After he finished we didn't have much to say... so we just opened an invitation to kids who needed prayer. 5 kids stood up.. and these weren't kids that were our regulars.. they were newer kids that were rough and didn't seem like they could be cracked. They then stood still as other Rock Island kids stood around, laid hands on them and prayed over them. It was powerful. It was good.. and I was blessed.

Sometimes it's not the words of a pastor, priest or preacher that change a life, it's the words of someone who thinks they are ordinary empowered by the Holy Spirit.

Long time.. no see

2008-06-23T11:34:00.003-05:00

Yes, I understand that we haven't blogged in over a month. I have received multiple emails and friendly reminders of that. We will try to be better, but I'm not making any promises. Here are a few little tidbits of our summer so far.

- We have a new intern named John from Dallas Theological Seminary. He's awesome and the kids love him. Hopefully he will blog soon.

- We went to camp 2 weeks ago and took 16 high school kids. It was just as life-changing as last year. (I'll put up pictures later)

- And lastly, here is our new summer schedule. We can always use extra volunteers or people that want to swing by and bring pizza or sandwiches for our lunches. I think the kids are getting tired of frozen corn dogs and burritos.

Summer Schedule
Monday
Mid/High Movie and Hangout 1:30-4:00

Tuesday
Mid/High Lunch and Work 1:00-3:00
Mid/High Work Out 3:00-4:00

Wednesday
Elementary 10:00-12:00
Mid/High Hangout 2:00-4:00
Mid/High Workout 4:00-5:00

Thursday
Mid/High Bible Study 12:00-1:00
Mid/High Hangout 1:00-2:30
Mid/High Work Out 2:30-4:00

I promise that we will try to write more very soon.

Futbol Fiesta

2008-05-10T19:36:00.006-05:00

Today we wrapped up our second successful season of boys 15 and under soccer with what we like to call a "fiesta". Lots of authentic Mexican food, pizza, boys and several siblings and parents joined us at Rock Island to celebrate the end to a 6-2 season full of fun, team prayers, occasional practices and early Saturday mornings.

The team was entirely sponsored by an individual who offered financial support which allowed the boys to have their own jerseys (home and away), shin gaurds, soccer balls, practice cones, etc. The soccer team gives many of the boys a chance to play in an organized setting, receive coaching instruction, as well as behavioral instruction, and be with neighborhood friends, while also meeting new friends throughout the course of the season.

One of my favorite aspects of the soccer team is that it requires many of the boys to do something they otherwise would not be expected to do: be physically active on a regular basis and to be on some type of schedule. For the most part, the boys in this neighborhood are not necessarily expected to be timely to anything in particular(with the exception school and a few boys having to work). Because of this, most of the boys haven't come to appreciate the respect aspect that goes along with being on time or being where you say you will be, when you say you will be there. Being apart of the soccer team, along with field trips and the relatively new workout times, requires the boys to be on time, or be left behind.

With this being said, enjoy the pictures...

-Luke

Workout Videos...

2008-04-29T13:13:00.006-05:00

Over the last several weeks the exercise/workout facility has been put to great use. We have girls and boys from the ages of 82-12 years old putting their bodies to work. On any given day 10-16 youth will exercise following a long days work at school. Most of them are eager to sweat, while several others were originally hesitant to look vulnerable in front of their peers. Over the last couple weeks the youth have been doing a variety of exercises to up their heart rate, burn some calories and learn some discipline through working out. It has been fun to see which kids would really take advantage of the opportunity to workout and apply themselves. Here are a few videos of what has been happening.
FYI, the last video is not a workout we have the kids doing, it was an obstacle course we made at the end of the workout to have a little fun. Anyone that can beat 3 seconds gets a years supply of bread from Cross and Crown.

Sunday nights

2008-04-26T21:22:00.003-05:00

Sunday nights are special at the mission. We meet each Sunday night at 6 pm for a meal and worship service September through April. On our last Sunday night, (April 27) before our summer break, we watched this little slideshow to remind us of some awesome moments from the last year.

My Protector-- Chandy

2008-04-14T19:42:00.005-05:00

This is a short little story... but I just couldn't pass up sharing it.

Last night we had our normal Sunday night worship experience at Cross & Crown. After worship I decided to have dinner with my parents. Instead of meeting them at the restaurant I just loaded up in the car with them and left my car at the mission. I didn't think much about it.

For some reason my phone was on silent during dinner, so I didn't notice that one of the Rock Island teens was repeatedly calling me. As I was riding back from dinner with my parents I happened to glance down at my phone and notice all the missed calls. Our dinner turned into quite long conversation and I didn't make it back to my car until a little after 9.

Once I got in my car and was pulling out of the neighborhood I returned the call. The teen was wondering where I was and why I had left my car at the mission. He informed me that I should never leave my car unattended at night in that neighborhood. And then the kicker..... he was worried about something happening to my car so he stayed and guarded it until his dad made him go home at 9.

In our neighborhood all the doors are chained at dark. The only people that go outside are up to no good and most likely heavily armed. But this 15 year old boy sat in the dark for over an hour just to make sure no one did anything to my car.

I know this story seems so insignificant and simple, but to me it spoke volumes. I'm not sure if I've ever had such a powerful gesture done for me.

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

Family being family!-- Chandy

2008-04-13T14:35:00.004-05:00

I remember Saturdays growing up. They were always my favorite day of the week because it was game day. Whether teeball, soccer or basketball.. I was there. I played every sport that the city and local YMCA offered. I have so many great memories from those times. Our kids deserve those kinds of memories too. My dream for the kids at Rock Island is that they will reach a point where they can look back and think of happy times and exciting things they got to experience. I don't want them to look back on their lives and think of abuse, poverty or gangs. They need typical childhood memories just like a middle class white kid. So we're attempting to do that... one of those ways is our soccer team.

Picture this.. every Saturday morning Luke parks the Cross & Crown van on the corner of NW 9th and Mckinley. Teenage boys from all over the neighborhood flock from the streets and pile in. Then he loads them up and takes them to a local soccer field where they play other teams from all over the city. Our kids have the best uniforms in the league and it makes them very proud. They feel like somebody special, which they are. When they step on the field they are different kids than the beat up, depressed ones we often see in the neighborhood. They have confidence and that confidence helps them win games. They have been dominating the other teams in the league. Before every game they huddle up and Luke says a prayer over them. I always watch as fans and other teams stare in disbelief at this group of boys standing in the middle of the field praying. They are shocked. Our boys don't know it.. but that small act is very bold. They are standing up for their belief in God.

Some of the real ministry happens on the sidelines as the families from the neighborhood set out their lawn chairs and share snacks with each other. It's just family being family. I feel like a soccer mom as I jog up and down the sidelines taking pictures and yelling. I like this atmosphere. It's not charity work or community service. It's family being family... the way inner city ministry should be. I love Saturdays, I look forward to them again just like when I was a child. I hope the kids in our neighborhood feel the same way.

Here are some pics from last Saturday.

We've crossed into enemy territory!-- Chandy

2008-04-05T11:10:00.004-05:00

This story all starts with a house. A drug house to be exact. It is located about 100 yards from Rock Island and is the main source for almost every dealer, addict and teenager in the neighborhood. I have spent several times just sitting outside staring at the house and praying for it, all the while watching literally dozens of people file in and out. It's always busy, whether it's 3:00 in the morning or noon. There are always people coming out of that house. And it makes me sick.. what originally made me sad has now turned into a little bit of anger. I have seen the owners of this house use kids as young as 8 years old to run drugs for them. I'm just fed up. As we were talking about that house this week, Luke said that he has actually prayed many times that the house would burn to the ground. Finally... after years of being untouched by the Oklahoma City Police, they busted the house a few weeks ago. We watched out the windows as drug task forces carried dozens of styrofoam ice chests as evidence. I felt like we finally had our peace. But we were wrong. Only a week later the drug running picked up again and it's like the bust never happened. I know that God has a detailed plan of what is going to happen with that house, but I just wish I knew what it was. I will wait... because I know his timing is perfect.

The people who live in that house have never come over to Cross and Crown. Apparently they have been doing well enough financially that they haven't needed any of our services. But God's plan was put into motion when the house was busted. They lost ALOT of money! That is why on Wednesday, two of the inhabitants actually came over and signed the list to get supplies from our food pantry. The second I looked out the window and saw them walking up, I knew something good was going to happen. The two that came over were a mother and daughter pair. The mother is the boss and you can tell by looking at her that she has it all together. She is clean and well kept, it's obvious she only deals and doesn't abuse. But then there is her daughter, who has obviously been using everything that comes through the house. Her teeth are all rotted out, her body is covered in soars and she doesn't even have the strength to hold her own head up. She can barely walk and sort of shuffles her feet, she is on the verge of death. I'm not sure how old she is... she looks to be about 50, but most likely she is close to my age of 24.

They signed our food list at 9:00 am and when it was time to open the doors at 11:00, only the daughter showed back up. Again, all part of God's plan. Just a side note about our food pantry, every one that comes for our services must first go through the "prayer room" where they meet with a prayer counselor to pray about their needs. We'll call the daughter "Pam". When it was Pam's turn to go into the prayer room she sat down with one of our very special counselors, Don (and his sidekick Jacob). I have a feeling that had she not sat down with Don, none of this would have ever happened. I don't know many details about their conversation, but I do know that about 20 minutes after that, I was helping Jacob get the baptistry filled up. "Pam" had decided to accept Christ and wanted to be baptized. I can't really explain the sight of seeing her crawl into the baptistry, except that she basically had to be lifted and set in. Once she was sitting in the water, she actually had to lay her head on the side so that she didn't tip over. Don said a few words and asked her to tell everyone why she wanted to accept Jesus and be baptized and her specific slurred words were, "I want Satan to leave me alone".

One person made the comment, "she is so out of it, do you think she even knows what she is doing?" She knew... the way I looked at it is that on Wednesday she could have laid in that house in her drugged up state and never left, but she chose to cross the street and accept Christ. We are going to take advantage of that.

"Pam" may not ever get clean or stop dealing drugs but I do know one thing, she is covered in the Holy Spirit and when she walked back into that demon-filled house on Wednesday, all the evil shuddered in fear, because the spirt of Jesus Christ is there now. God has done something that we didn't even think to pray for, he has implanted himself in the middle of that house. I can't wait to sit and watch and pray for that house now, because I know that the Lord is at work in there and is shaking things up. To him be all the glory!

I was hungry and you gave me something to eat.-- Chandy

2008-03-20T22:47:00.004-05:00

This week was a blast with the kids.. it started out with some regular hang out days at Rock Island and ended with a beautiful day at the zoo and competitive game of bowling today.

The zoo was amazing yesterday. It was perfect weather and the elementary kids were so excited. We took exactly 30 kids and about 25 of them had never been to the zoo before. It was so fun to witness each of them get so excited to see elephants, tigers and giraffes for the first time. The highlight of the day were the gorillas. They have so much personality and put on quite the show for us. One of the little 4 year old boys in my group said he wanted to take one home to be his friend.

Today was bowling.. we loaded up 20 middle school/high school kids and headed for a Mcdonalds lunch before hitting the lanes. And then the highlight of my day happened...

In the midst of the hustle and bustle at McDonalds with 20 kids ordering value meals, we some how got away with an extra Big Mac. I was about to throw it away when one of the boys, "Damien", chimed up, "I'll take it". I assumed he was really hungry and didn't think anything of it. After eating we all loaded up to head to the bowling alley. Luke was driving the van and I was driving my car. Damien was riding with me. As we were driving along to the bowling alley he yelled from the back seat, "Pull Over". I asked him why and he said that he had to do something. So I found a side street and pulled over. He hopped out with another one of the boys, "Jose" (who is very hard core and hard to reach), and went sprinting in the other direction. At this point I'm kind of panicked about what is going on. But as I glance in my rearview mirrow I realize that Damien has the Big Mac in his hand and Jose is holding an unopened Pepsi that he found in my back seat. Then I look at the target they are running for... a homeless man crouched in the bushes. I watch as they crouch down to his level, exchange a few words and hand him the hamburger and drink. Then I see a big grin and they shake his hand and come joggin back to the car. As soon as they got back in the car they said, "we made sure and said God bless you!". I was so proud of them. If you saw these two boys walking down the street you might assume they were running drugs or headed to hang out with their gang friends... but these two boys were headed down the side of the road to give something to eat to someone hungry.

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." - Matthew 25:35-36

train a child - Luke

2008-03-09T17:13:00.005-05:00

This past Monday at our elementary, after-school program I had a small glimpse of what our future may hold.

Ron, Chandy and I have had several discussions about how awesome it would be to have a worship time with our youth. We dream of starting our Thursday night Bible study with a 20-30 minute worship time. But, we have to deal with the reality that these kids have no idea what worship looks like. There are so many elements to worship that we know and have learned over the years that these kids haven't been exposed to. Alot of us take for granted our church-going upbringing. Regardless of what congregation, denomination or location we have attended in the past, we have learned, on one level or another, what "happens" during worship. Even with the upbringing that I was given there were certain modes of expression, action and qualities to worship that I wasn't exposed to until my post high-school/post college career. These kids have NO idea. (On top of all this, they don't know any songs, which is changing.)

What these kids know is they have to uphold their hard appearance, their cool reputation and at all costs retain all levels of respect from the other kids. As most of us know, with worship, there is a level of vulnerability. You have to put yourself aside. A primary action during worship is humbling oneself or making ourselves less so that we can give God praise as the #1 that He is. So, I say all of this just to show why we have struggled in the past with implementing a time of worship with our youth.

This past Christmas our elementary kids, under the guidance of Chandy, preformed a Christmas program. They dressed in costumes, ranging from a wise man to baby Jesus, sang 2-3 songs, read the birth of Jesus and two of the girls from the neighborhood put on a singing/dancing performance of a lifetime. This Easter the kids will be doing something similar. Over the last 3-4 weeks during the elementary, after-school time the kids have been practicing. Following a grueling 30 minute homework period and a small snack the kids gather around in a circle and practice for their upcoming performance by singing. The kids will be singing the chorus of "Savior, He Can Move the Mountains", with a worship group on Easter Sunday. Chandy started off by singing the first couple lines of the song to the kids and they would repeat her. After several weeks of practice the kids have the song down to a T.

This past Monday, after the kids proved they could sing the song in its' entirety, Chandy played a cd for the kids to listen and sing along with. The song was lead by a worship group performing the song they had been practicing. It was chilling. It was so cool to be able to sit there and imagine 5-10 years down the road when these kids are 11-17 years old and we are having a time of worship with them. There we were in the middle of Rock Island with 25 children singing a worship song. I tried to imagine our older kids doing the exact same thing and it was just really hard to imagine. Not to say that I am writing the older kids off for ever having a time of worship (let me add that some of our youth did experience a time of worship at a camp we attended last summer), but that it is so much more difficult to teach and train the kids once they pass a certain age or maturity level (revolutionary thought by me, huh?) What an incredible insight God had and gave us before we even existed...

Proverbs 22:6 -
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

It is going to be an awesome experience the day we are able to have a time of worship lead by our youth.

Everyone needs compassion
Love that’s never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Chorus: Kids part
Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever, Author of Salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Bridge:
Shine your light
And let the whole world see
We’re singing
For the glory of the risen King, Jesus

Scary Exteriors, Beautiful Interiors-- Chandy

2008-03-03T19:56:00.003-06:00

I would say that frontline/inner-city ministry is one filled with lots of loss. Although we are beginning to get used to the overdoses, homeless freezing to death and stabbings, it doesn't make things hurt any less. When it comes to the homeless, it's sad to say that we might be their only accountability to still being alive. I've mentioned before that when one of our regulars doesn't show up for a few days, we really start to worry and even might go looking for them in alleys and abandoned houses. Here is just a short recap of 4 people in our staff prayer time this morning, I felt a lot of loss today. Pray for them too.

- Anthony- A homeless man we have known for a number of years. He and his girlfriend, Lily, usually stop in for some food or to use the phone about once a week. I've heard stories of fights he's been in and how mean of a man he is. I've never seen that side of him. We heard last night that he is in the hospital in a coma from getting beat up really bad. There is a good chance he won't make it.

- John- We call him John the Baptist. He is such a precious servant. He comes in every day and does fix-it kind of chores all around the mission. His years of addiction and homelessness have left him pretty rough looking, but he is such a beautiful soul. He sleeps under one of our houses but we haven't seen him since last Thursday and that worries us a lot.

- Lori- A former (and maybe non-former) homeless, prostitute. A few months ago she came in and gave a wallet-sized photo of herself to Luke. On the back she wrote, "thanks for the prayers". She died this weekend of a probable overdose.

- Michael- A homeless man who played college basketball at Arkansas-Pine Bluff. He has a special friendship with Luke. For the past year he has come every day. Usually with some request written on a small notecard. At one point he was actually pen pals with Luke's grandma so that he would have someone to talk to. For the past month or so Luke has been giving him candles everyday to burn overnight to keep his "hole" warm that he sleeps in. He even uses us as his own safety-deposit box. Whenever he has anything of worth he brings it to us to keep safe. We haven't seen him in about 3 weeks now. We don't know who to ask, because he has not one single friend or family member. Luke's been checking the obituaries.

I don't share all of that to make people sad who read this. I share it to put names with faces of people you might see sleeping in an alley or abandoned building. I share that to make sure we all remember that those scary exteriors often have beautiful interiors.

"The right thing to do"-- Chandy

2008-03-01T14:27:00.003-06:00

This week has been absolutely crazy for all of us. Without getting into too many details quite yet, it looks as if one or more of the staff members could be adding children to their households permanently. I really feel like we are at a time right now when we've got to DO what we SAY. I know that if I truly believe all the things I blog about then I must act. Sometimes there is a struggle between reason/logic and "the right thing to do". For my own personal life... I pray that "the right thing to do" always wins out. I think being able to FEEL if something is right or wrong is evidence of spiritual discernment. Some people may call me crazy... but aren't we called as Christians to look crazy sometimes. Look at the disciples.. a lot of people back in the day thought they were insane. So I leave this short blog with two great quotes and a scripture.

- "Suffering isn't hard to come by, it's a prouct of sacrifice." (J. Paravane)

- "It is very important for us to realize that love, to be true, has to hurt. I must be willing to give whatever it takes not to harm other people and, in fact, to do good to them. This requires that I am willing to give until it hurts. Otherwise there is not true love in me, and I bring injustice, not peace, to those around me." (Mother Teresa)

- "Anyone who sets himself up as "religious" by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world." (James 1:26-27 The Message)

The gift-- Chandy

2008-02-25T10:16:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was a great day. We had a baby shower for one of our girls at Rock Island. I have mentioned her before. She is 16 and due next month. All last week I was a little bit worried about the shower. I told a few people about it that volunteer here at Cross & Crown and also gave her invitations to hand out to family and friends, but I was worried no one would show up and her feelings would be hurt. On Thursday night at RI bible study, I mentioned to all the girls that they should try and come to support their friend. As we set out food and decorated I was a little worried, but as 4 o'clock rolled around I was overwhelmed.

You see, Mia attends Sunday night worship every week by herself. Even at 8 months pregnant she walks the 5 blocks every Sunday evening and sits on the back row. She doesn't talk to many people and kind of keeps to herself, but she is always here. I don't think Mia thought anyone even knew her, but she soon found out.. they sure do love her. A few hispanic women from the neighborhood(who don't even speak the same language as Mia) came and brought precious little gifts. There were a few staff members and family friends that came and then there were the Rock Island girls. Five teenage girls came to love on and support their friend. It was sweet.

BUT the sweetest story is about a little girl I'll call "Kelly". Kelly is in our Rock Island youth program. She is a frail, abused 6th grader who is very soft-spoken and shy. We've known her on and off for many years as she has been shuffled around by DHS to different homes. She currently lives with her biological parents. Their family lives in a rundown house that rarely has functioning electricity and their week revolves around what churches in the area are serving meals. Kelly has one pair of pants and two shirts that she rotates for her school uniform. She wears the same "school uniform" on Saturdays and Sundays. I didn't see Kelly come into the shower, but I glanced over at some point during the shower to see her sitting quietly in a corner with a plate full of food. As Mia opened her gifts she held up a small pink bag without a tag. "Whose is this?" It was dead silent and no one said a word, she repeated again, "Whose is this?" And then a small voice comes from the corner..."That's mine". It was Kelly. She smiled proudly as Mia opened a little pink baby blanket.

As I looked at Kelly I was reminded of the parable of the widow's offering. Kelly has nothing, she is hungry and cold, but she probably took everything she had to buy a baby blanket for her friend. That's friendship and that's love. We could all learn a lesson from Kelly's precious gift.

"Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny.
Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on."
-Mark 12:41-44

God appointment - Luke

2008-02-17T16:06:00.003-06:00

This past week at the mission was absolutely crazy.

Wednesday, following a 7,000 lb. unloading of food from the regional food bank, a full day of 50 families for food and clothes, 5 eye appointments and a Valentines bash organized by yours truly for our jr. high/high school kids (which means I grabbed some 2 liters, frozen pastrys and heated up some frozen pizzas, with the help of Chandy), Chandy and I headed off with one of our teens to a meeting with her DHS workers. Without going into much detail, we meet with her real mom, foster mom, brother and 2 case workers to sort out the logistics of her pregnancy and were she was going to keep the baby. Really I was more of a fly on the wall just making a presence to let our teen know we are supporting her.

After a somewhat grueling 2 hours of verbal battling I headed off to my house to change and rush off to a very important city-league basketball game (what I thought was important). I was ready to clear my head of all of the days' events and kick back a little bit. But, before I could do that I had to get some gas. My "gas empty" logo had been flashing for 10-15 miles. I drove 2-3 additional miles before pulling into a 7-11 only to find that their gas was "out of order". Huh? None of their pumps were functional so I backtracked a few miles to another gas station and as I pulled in I realized you couldn't pay at the pump! No way. I think at this point I actually said something like, "Welcome to the 21st century", to the gas station as I peeled out of the lot and wasted my already dwindling gas. So, plan C was to come to the gas station located right across from the mission, the 7-11 at Western and 10th. Shortly after I swiped my credit card at the pump, which saved 30-45 seconds, I spotted a man who comes to the mission frequently.

This man is generally pretty quiet and keeps to himself but over the last several weeks at our Sunday worship we had created somewhat of a friendship. So, I felt comfortable enough to call out his name. He, lets call him Bill, turned around and waved and responded, "Hey Luke", and then headed inside the store. I didn't think much more about it but several minutes later as I was pulling out of the gas station I spotted Bill again, walking. I knew that Bill lived close to the mission because he always walks to the Sunday night services. I pulled over and offered Bill a ride home. He gladly accepted and got in. Turns out Bill only lives like 2 blocks from the mission, so our conversation was short, but meaningful.

Bill was a little more talkative this specific night and I was starting to formulate some reasons as to why that was, which he quickly confirmed. "I messed up tonight, Luke", he told me. "What do you mean, Bill, how did you mess up?" He informed me that he had been to the bar and gotten drunk. I asked him if that happens alot and he told me not too often but he has trouble with it every so often. He was still very respectful as we talked and I could tell he was embarrassed. As I pulled onto his street I told him I would see him Sunday night hopefully. He looked right at me and said, "I will see you Sunday. I just love coming down there. For some reason I just can't stay away from that place, Something just keeps pulling me back there. I will see you Sunday."

I realize that he was drunk and so much of what he said was probably as a result of his increased courage, but the fact that he said this at all really made me think about where he was coming from. There really is something about the mission that keeps bringing him back and it's not anything he could pinpoint but I know what it is. It's the same thing that brought me to Christ, it's his love. The love and acceptance that Bill experiences at the mission on Sunday nights is why he keeps coming back. Sooner or later he is going to figure out why he keeps coming, I just hope I will be there when he does.

Ramblings-- Chandy

2008-02-16T11:45:00.003-06:00

My aunt was in a nostalgic mood and sent these pictures to me yesterday. The first pic is from 4 years ago. Luke and I were about to head off to our junior year of college at Abilene Christian University. The second pic was taken about 6 months ago in Rock Island. Those same kids now grown up a bit.

It's amazing to think about the past few years. I loved all those kids 4 years ago, but that love has even grown more now. Sometimes when they have had a bad day at school or home life is rough I just want to sit and hold them... I have to remember they aren't little kids anymore. :) It's hard to believe that some of the babies in the first picture are now having babies.

I think if there is one thing I have learned since 4 years ago it's that I can't save the world. I'm pretty sure when the first picture was taken I had dreams of all the kids going to college, staying drug/alcohol free, accepting Christ and raising good families. I still have those dreams for my kids, but a lot have fallen through the cracks over the years. It hurts me, but I'm lucky to serve a God who is a redeemer and I know without a doubt He can still save those kids. It's not up to me. I'm also lucky that God didn't call me to save these kids from their decisions, He just called me to love them.

Last night I was meeting with my small group from Northchurch and the question came up, " what is different now then from when you didn't know the Lord?" I think it's the sense of security I have. I know, without a doubt, that ultimately everything is going to be okay. I know that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him" (Rom. 8:28) I don't fall to pieces, I trust in my Lord.

Yesterday one of my teen girls called in a complete panic and I just told her in an even-toned voice that everything is going to be okay. I just kept repeating that and eventually she became frustrated at the catch phrase and said "why do you keep saying that?" I say that because I KNOW that God is faithful. He wants the best for his children and I am secure in that.
I know that sounds cheesy and overly optimistic but I BELIEVE it.

How lucky the kids in these pictures are that they aren't relying on me to save them.. because I'm human and can't do it. If I was trying to do it, I wouldn't be able to do my job. I see hurt, tragedy and devastation everyday and it's just a reminder that I am incapable and unqualified. It's not my obligation to save them, it's to love them. HE will save them.

Go light your world-- Chandy

2008-02-11T14:23:00.001-06:00

Right now I am sitting in our sanctuary. I love it. It is the middle of the day and the sun is shining through the original stained glass from when our building was built in 1910. On days when I'm lucky I like to come in here and turn the music up and worship by myself. Right now I have the opportunity to do that. I'm just sitting here praising to an amazing song while one of the local street men who I call "John the Baptist" is in another corner painting and singing along. This song just came on by Chris Rice and I just paused and realized what it was saying. How appropriate. God is good today!

There is a candle in every soul
Some brightly burning, some dark and cold
There is a Spirit who brings a fire
Ignites a candle and makes His home

So carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the helpless, confused and torn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world
Take your candle, and go light your world

Frustrated brother, see how he's tried to
Light his own candle some other way
See now your sister, she's been robbed and lied to
Still holds a candle without a flame

So Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the lonely, the tired and worn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world
Take your candle, and go light your world

Cause We are a family whose hearts are blazing
So let's raise our candles and light up the sky
Praying to our Father, in the name of Jesus
Make us a beacon in darkest times

So Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the helpless, deceived and poor
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world

Backyard barbecues in the summer!-- Chandy

2008-02-10T11:16:00.000-06:00

About a year ago I read the amazing book, "Irresistible Revolution", by Shane Claiborne. At the time I read the book, I had just signed a contract to buy a house in the "suburbs". The more I read the book, which is about living in the community where you serve, the more I began to feel guilty about not buying a house down in the 'hood. I prayed and sought advice from a lot of people. I eventually came to the conclusion that it probably isn't the best idea for a 23 year old single girl to move into the ghetto by herself. On one hand I wondered if I wasn't trusting God enough and I should move down there anyways, on the other hand I knew that I needed to respect the advice of many wise men and women of God who adamantly told me that safety is important. In August of this past year I moved into my house and felt very blessed to be able to afford such a nice home for myself, but it was still bittersweet. I still had an inner battle waging about the fact that I have two empty bedrooms in my house and most of my kids live in homes where 5 or 6 people may be sleeping in the same room. Matters didn't get any better when, in September, I took a trip to St. Louis with the staff and was privileged to sit in a room of about 25 people for an all day conference with Shane Claiborne. I left the conference feeling even more strongly that I needed to live in the hood. But when I returned I realized that there was no way my family, friends or staff at the mission would okay me living in a dangerous area by myself. So I asked God, "why have you put this desire in my heart if it isn't possible?". I have been waiting for some peace in this area for the past few months and just this weekend I came to the answer the Lord has been giving me all along.

He is telling me that at this point in my life He desires for my home to be a SANCTUARY, a calm away from the storm and safehouse for the abused. I will share a couple examples:

The first being this past weekend. One of our RI (Rock Island) girls who is 7 1/2 months pregnant is on the run. While she is pregnant, she has a strong desire to NOT live in the abusive situation she was in, so she has been staying with friends and family all over the city. Because of this, she is classified as a runaway and on Thursday the police came looking for her. On Thursday night she came into RI and had a breakdown. She got extremely upset about the possibility of being sent back to her bad family life. We knew that if DHS heard about it, they would be willing to create other options for her. But it was late on Thursday night and we knew we couldn't get ahold of her caseworker until Friday morning. So we took the trek out to my home in the suburbs and "hid out". She was very distraught, but the farther we got out of the city, the more she began to calm down. For that one night she felt safe and untouchable. She got a warm shower, warm meal and warm bed. She had security for maybe the first time in months.

The other example is a precious little family who I adore. It is a very young mother with 4 kids. She lives in a 200 sq. foot efficiency apartment with all the children and sometimes her addict husband. He is quite abusive at times and it is a very rough environment. I can tell when he is on a binge or in an especially bad mood because she will ask me to take her 2 youngest girls (ages 2 and 4) home with me. By now they each have their own carseat for my car and their own special drawer in my guest room with fresh pj's and toys. It is obvious they don't get bathed very often and so the first thing they always want to do is take a bubble bath. After that they always curl up in the living room and watch Monsters Inc. I have 2 couches for them to stretch out on, but they always choose to snuggle up together in a chair until they fall asleep. (That's what the picture is below).

The Lord has given me peace about my home in this stage of my life. I believe there is a purpose for it now. BUT, I still hope someday that I will marry a man that won't mind living in the ghetto with me. THEN I can move down there and have the things I dream about: dinners with all the neighbors, movie nights on the weekends and backyard barbecues in the summer!

"My God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me,and my place of safety. He is my refuge, my savior, the one who saves me from violence." - 2 Samuel 22:3

Baby shower-- Chandy

2008-02-05T19:48:00.001-06:00

For those of you who have been asking... we are having a baby shower at Rock Island for one of our teens, Mia, on Sunday, Feb. 24 at 4:00. I actually took her last week to register at Walmart and it was such a special time together. We roamed around for a couple of hours and just talked about life.

Mia is actually very mature for her young 16 years. She has been on her own for her entire pregnancy. Her family kicked her out when they found out she was pregnant and she has been staying with friends and some extended family. She has been taking parenting classes and is even staying in high school full time (she goes to an alternative high school where they have on-site daycare and maternity leave).

Ron and I were talking the other day and we share an opinion. Mia knows that she made a mistake and now there are consequences, but it's time for people to stop viewing this as a huge tragedy. We aren't called to inform her of her wrong-doings (she gets that from enough people). We love her like Jesus and hope that we can help her raise her child to be a believer. I'm proud of Mia and the decisions she has been making lately and just pray that she continues to make those good decisions after her daughter is born.

If anyone would like to buy her a gift or attend the shower, just let me know. I'm sure she would be very grateful.

New Video!

2008-01-29T09:48:00.000-06:00

" I want to live here for always"--- Chandy

2008-01-28T21:03:00.002-06:00

It is a rare occasion when we have enough volunteers that I can spend the whole day in the office doing "work" kinda stuff. Most days are filled with so much organized chaos that none of the staff has a chance to do that. Today I got to spend the whole morning at Rock Island doing some things on my "to do" list. It was nice.

Now let me just tell you something. I hate Mondays. I know that most people say that.. but I really do. It's always super hard to wake up on those mornings and then when I finally get to work I can never find a parking spot because there are so many people (which isn't a bad thing). I am always exhausted on Mondays. Today was especially bad because I have the start of a cold so I woke up this morning and took some pretty heavy duty cold medicine. All day I felt like I was floating and moving in slow motion. Haha.. I know you all know what I'm talking about. So I say all this to say.. I wasn't the most positive person today unfortunately.

Back to my story... I was in Rock Island doing some work on the computer when there comes a knock at the door. I open it to see a 4 year old little girl standing all by herself with a big grin. Her name is Emily. She is a little girl from the neighborhood that I think I have a very special bond with. As soon as I open the door she walks right in and plops down on the couch. Her english is very bad so I was shocked to hear the next words out of her mouth..... "I want to live here for always". I thought she meant America but as I began to talk a little bit with her I realized she was talking about Rock Island. I asked her why she wanted to live in Rock Island and she said two things: "because you are nice" and "you have food". I felt this strong urge to pray for her at that minute and she held my hand while I prayed the Lord's protection over her sweet little life. It was a precious moment. As soon as I said amen she hopped right off the couch and bolted out the door. That little girl made my day with her sweet words. The Lord knew I needed the encouragement. I love when He sets up little appointments like that.

The sad thing is that even at the young age of 4, Emily already realizes that things are not right where she lives. She already has a desire to live in a place where the people are nice and she has access to food. Think of a 4 year old you know. Do you think the thought of wanting to live somewhere else or the desire for food even crosses their mind? I would think they would be thinking about how big they should build their lego tower or whether or not they might get to stay up past 8:00 on the weekends. Maybe that's just me.

One day children were brought to Jesus in the hope that he would lay hands on them and pray over them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus intervened: "Let the children alone, don't prevent them from coming to me. God's kingdom is made up of people like these." After laying hands on them, he left. - Matthew 19:13-15 The Message

Girls in the 'hood--- Chandy

2008-01-25T16:46:00.001-06:00

Let me start this by saying. I have little experience with girl issues. Althought I am female, I grew up with almost all guy friends. Even to this day I would pick video games over shopping any day. So... at times I feel a little ill equipped with the Rock Island girls.

Last week we started back our Thursday night bible study. We have split once again into guys and girls (less distraction). The boys are studying the gospel of John and the girls have just started reading a book called "Daughters of Heaven".

When I talk about a girls bible study, don't get the wrong impression. It's not a bunch of princesses sitting around sipping tea. The girls study attenders range from suspected prostitutes to non-english speakers and pregnant girls to gang members. Let's put it this way.. the glares that are being passed across the room might make some people cower in fear. I know one thing, I strategically place my chair, so if anything does go down, it's going to have to go down with me in the middle. Needless to say, the girls aren't very chummy with each other. At Rock Island we have 7-8 girls on average and about 40 boys.

At last in our study we had a light bulb moment. I read a quote out of the book, "Just like no two snowflakes follow the same path to the ground, no two people follow the same path to heaven". I then explained that even though we are not all friends, we are all fighting for the same thing.. The girls just kind of looked around at each other and there was a very long ackward pause. That's when I think they realized that they are all different, but have the same goal in mind. They are all just trying to survive, want better lives and want to learn more about Jesus. They have found their common ground, the Lord.

After the study is over on Thursday nights we usually all cook dinner together and hang out at Rock Island til 8. On a normal night the girls scatter to their different territories in the builing the second we say amen. Last night they all sat in the living room and talked for a while. They even all expressed interest in helping throw the baby shower for one of our girls. I'm excited for the future of not playing referree. Who knows... they all might just become friends.

My thoughts on addiction-- Chandy

2008-01-22T11:52:00.000-06:00

This past Sunday night was a reminder that alcoholism is a big deal here at Cross & Crown. During our worship time one of our precious men, William, was so drunk that he dropped to the floor and began seizing. He does that often. As some people in the crowd began to panic, we continued to worship. We are used to it. When Paul got up to share the message for the night, he explained the reason we didn't call 911 or freak out. He shared that William was in the best place to pass out because at least he would be warm and wouldn't have passed out in the cold and frozen to death. Scenarios like this seem all too normal to me and the rest of the staff.

We try to combat addiction with our weekly AA meetings, which are a huge help, but the only people that can be helped are the people who want it. We don't withhold our services until people are clean or go to rehab, anyone and everyone is welcome. I think that's what Jesus would do.

Many of the men and women are homeless because of their addiction. They didn't just one day run out of money and decide to live on the streets. For most of them it was a process of alienating their families, using their entire paychecks on booze or drugs, and getting in major debt. Their addiction became such a big deal that they could no longer function in a normal society. I'm going to make a generalization. I would say that of all the homeless people we know, 90% have some sort of addiction. And the reason they are homeless is because they got tired of letting people down. They decided that it was easier to live on their own in the street than continue to hurt the people around them. Many of the alcoholics we deal with have some sort of anxiety disorder about being around people.

Addiction is a prison. It makes me sad to see some of my street friends wither away. I believe without a doubt there is only one way to be free from that prison. Jesus. He's the only one that can offer true freedom. One of my friends, Roy, is a homeless alcoholic. His addiction is so bad that he rarely ever drinks actual liquor, but instead chugs listerine. Roy has an amazing heart and has given his life to the Lord. My favorite encouragement to Roy is that "Satan has his earthly body, but the Lord has his heavenly body and that's all that matters."

I know this blog was kind of all over the place, but I just wanted to vent about the sadness I've seen lately. Please pray for all our friends with addictions.. pray that the Lord would set them free from the bondage they live in.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners." -Isaiah 61:1

We love babies-- Chandy

2008-01-15T10:15:00.000-06:00

Sunday night was a very special time for us. We had a baby dedication. We prayed over and honored all the babies born in the past 6 months. We also prayed over our expectant mothers. It was so fun to see all the babies dressed up in their gorgeous outfits. Each family got a vase of red roses.

One of our Rock Island teen girls is expecting a little girl in the first week of April. I was so proud of her as she stood at the front with the other mothers and made a commitment to raise her baby to love the Lord. I am planning to throw a small baby shower for her at Rock Island sometime at the end of Feb. I will post the date on here. My goal is to take her to Walmart to register for some of the necessities and then invite women from local churches to join us. We are her church family and that's what we do, so put the word out at to your womens bible studies and maybe we can make sure she has everything she needs.

The Great Blog Combo of '08

2008-01-08T19:18:00.000-06:00

After much thought... Luke, Ron and I have decided to consolidate all our blogs into one. Starting now you can read all of our blogs right here at www.undergroundokc.blogspot.com. That's right... no more clicking from blog to blog. We are hoping to each write one blog a week. I have a feeling I can meet that goal. We'll see about Luke and Ron. :) Hope you enjoy. Happy New Year and God Bless!

No spirit of fear.

2008-01-07T18:41:00.001-06:00

It was a normal day at work.. ya know... average. Started with a standoff with 40 police and swat team at our neighbors house... ended with a different neighbor chasing a man down the street with a huge pipe. Ha.
It's funny how the longer I am at the mission, the more normal gunshots and drug busts seem. As Ron, Luke, Paul and I stood on the corner this morning and watched all the chaos go down, Ron made an interesting comment. He said, "5 years ago I would have been in the basement hiding from all this out here... now I'm right in the middle of it". We laughed because each of us realized how crazy it was that we were out in the middle of a standoff just chatting it up with the police. All the other neighbors were locked inside their homes, scared to come out.
This afternoon I looked out the window just in time to see one of our neighbors sprinting down the street shaking a big metal pipe in the air. I off-handedly mentioned to Luke and Ron.. "Oh look...someone is getting into it", then we went on about our business. We just barely glanced up when a huge red firetruck went flying down the street in the direction of the pipe-wielding man. Later on the police came by and asked me a few questions. As I was chatting with the officer I said, "To tell you the truth, I didn't think much of it. Seems kinda normal to me."
I share all that not to say I'm tough, because I'm a huge weenie, but to say how good the Lord is. It says in 2 Timothy chapter 1 that, " God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." I believe that more with every passing day. He has called each of us at Cross & Crown to the front lines and we won't step back. Where is he calling you to the front lines?

Christmas Card Video

2008-01-06T13:18:00.001-06:00

A certain angel had this video made around Christmas time for all the staff...we didn't have a clue. It's precious.There is some footage of Sunday night worship and some of the Christmas program that the kids did. Just a glimpse in to the lives of the people we are blessed to be around every day.

"Now I understand why you do what you do"

2007-12-30T00:37:00.000-06:00

There is a precious family I have become very close to in the past months... we will call them the Smiths. It is a single mother with 10 children. The family used to live in our neighborhood, but through a series of events had to move over to the Southside. The teenage kids were in our Rock Island ministry and the little ones in our Underground. Their father is in prison...for life. We have grown close in the past months because the oldest son, who is 13, got into some legal trouble and consequently was sent to a boys home. We have been to see him a few times... he is actually doing very well.

I would say there is a bit of a "financial totem pole" when it comes to the families in our community. At the top of the totem pole is the "working poor", who are usually uneducated people who work hard at minimum wage jobs. Many of the families in this category have food on the table and a roof over their head, but not much else. I would put the Smith family at the very bottom of the totem pole. Mom is so caught up taking care of kids that she can't find time to work. She knows she has made some horrible mistakes and can't seem to get back on her feet. 9 of the kids and the mom live in an efficiency apartment. Each has a mattress on the floor. Each of the kids has maybe a shirt or two and a pair of pants. None of them have coats. I don't think their heat works. Through a series of very special God appointments, a life group from Lifechurch.tv decided to sponsor this enormous family for Christmas. We had a guideline for our Christmas adoption of $50 per child. Because of the state this family is in, I didn't give the group a dollar limit, I just told them the story.

The day the group dropped the stuff off I had a nice, long cry. Completely overwhelming. Each child had a garbage bag filled with a coat, clothes, gloves, hats, mittens, blankets, toys, etc. Because this family doesn't have a car, I knew I would get the chance to deliver it. So I loaded 10 full trash bags up in our 15 passenger van, grabbed two of our teenage boys from the neighborhood and headed over to the Southside at 10:00 one evening. The two boys I took are hispanic boys and have heat in their homes and food.. they are at the top of the totem pole. I warned them as we drove over what they were going to see, they made a few jokes about how they lived in the hood and understood, but I knew they didn't. Now picture this in your mind... as soon as we pulled up to the apartment all 9 kids (ages 2-13) came pouring out of the door, barefoot into the snow. They jumped up in to my arms and even in to the arms of the two teenage boys they didn't know. As we carried each trash bag in they kept hugging each one of us and saying thank you.

When we got back in to the van to leave there was dead silence. Not a sound from either boy... then I began to hear a few sniffles coming from the back seat. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw one of the boys with tears rolling down his face. He then asked, "do you see that kinda thing alot?" and I told him I do. After that there was complete silence for about 10 minutes, then the other boy said, "Now I understand why you do what you do."

Many of the older kids in the neighborhood think we are crazy, they don't understand why we wouldn't get jobs where we would make big bucks and get to live glamourous lifestyles. We try to explain, but I still think it is hard for them to really grasp. That moment in the van was one of the "lightbulb moments" I always speak about. All of the Rock Island kids may not ever get it, but those two do. They got the chance to realize that all the money in the world can't buy the feeling of being able to hug complete strangers and share the love of Jesus.

Small things with great love.

2007-12-30T00:12:00.000-06:00

I haven't shared much about the Christmas season because there is so much to share, it is all jumbled up in my head, but here is one story.

In the days and weeks that led up to Christmas there were so many sweet gestures from families and people in the community. Each day for about 2 weeks, the women in the neighborhood cooked lunch for us like tamales, enchiladas, chile rellenos, etc. I pride myself on remembering everyones names, but there were even a few people whose names I didn't know that brought us gifts. There are 2 different "gifts" that were my favorite.

The first is from an older street man that we call "John the baptist". He is know for finding all kids of treasures in the dumpsters behind the businesses in our neighborhood. The night of the christmas pageant he pulled me aside and presented a gift to me. They were two little hand paintings of butterflies that had been framed. He had found the frames in a dumpster and had made the paint out of old markers and empty paint cans he had found. He told me a long story about why he had picked the butterflies out just for me. It was such a sweet gift...

The second gift is a little more humorous. There is a homeless man I will just call MB. I'm just going to be blunt... he's crazy. On some days he says the kindest things and on some days he completely loses his mind and starts cussing people out. Because of his unpredictability, he doesn't get to come in and wait with everyone else. We think it is a safer idea for him to wait outside. Everyday Luke is so patient and helps MB with anything he needs. He usually washes his clothes about 2-3 times a week and gives him a can of vienna sausages, his favorite food, everyday. We have also become his personal bank and on the rare occasion he has a dollar or two, we put it in his file for safe-keeping. The thing that makes MB so interesting is his mode of communication. He writes note cards. He doesn't speak much but instead writes everything out (in perfect hand-writing) on small lined note cards. Every morning he rings the doorbell around 9 and drops off his requests for the day. Some days it will say "May I please have viennas and clean socks?" or it might say "Can I use the phone?"... it is very interesting and we all get a good chuckle. But a few weeks ago MB came with an entire stack of notecards and handed them to Luke. He asked Luke to pass them out. On each notecard he had written out tiny Christmas cards for every staff member. "Dear __________. Merry Christmas. God Bless you. I love you. Love, MB". It was so special and definitely a christmas card that will hang in my office year around.

"In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love." -Mother Teresa

Rock Island...a year later.

2007-12-18T16:29:00.000-06:00

I haven't blogged in a while for one reason. It's Christmas! We have had so much going on that I haven't had time to sit down at the computer in a while. This year for Christmas we did 250 families for Christmas food baskets, 100 families for family sponsored gifts, 30 teens for Rock Island Christmas, 250 people for our Christmas feast, 25 elementary kids in our Cross & Crown Christmas nativity, 300 people at the nativity program, and 50 women at the bible study Christmas party this morning. I'm no mathematician but I think that equals..... ALOT! How blessed we truly are.

Over the next few days I'm going to blog about each of those blessings separately because, of course, I've got stories to go along with them. Right now I'm going to share about the Rock Island Christmas.

Over the past year Rock Island has become more than we could have ever imagined. We started off the year a bit rocky. There were some break-ins and struggles with alot of the kids. But at the party I realized something very special....We've got 6th graders to 12th graders and whites, blacks, mexicans, native americans, etc.....BUT... THOSE KIDS ARE A FAMILY. They have each others backs at school, they all stay together in one house when the rest don't have electricity, they pick up each others homework at school when someone is sick (or suspended), they makes beats together on the computer and try to create their own rap group, and they even rig up dirty santa so that the kid who they know really needs a bike to ride to work gets to take home that bike. A year ago they were 50 individuals living in the neighborhood separately. They were fighting each other, stealing from each other and vandalizing each others houses. NOW.... well you better not come into our neighborhood and mess with one of them because you are likely to get the whole bunch on you.

Last Friday night we had our party. In the middle of ice and snow, 23 kids were waiting out in the cold when we opened the door. We ate pizza and drank hot cocoa, played games, opened gifts, and roasted marshmallows outside to make smores. We hung out together for 4 hours and never once turned on a computer, video game or television. It was awesome. The favorite gifts of the night were the brand new Rock Island hoodies that one of our donors had made. Every kid got one and they were soooo EXCITED! At the end of the night we all held hands and prayed together. Out of the 23 kids... including ex gang members, drug dealers and school drop outs.....EVERY single kid prayed OUT LOUD. Most adults won't even do that, but these kids poured their hearts out in front of their peers, their FAMILY. And now even typing this I'm getting pretty choked up.

And to think... all this began with one guy (Ron Crawford) stepping up to his calling. People thought he was crazy, his family struggled financially, but he knew the call and the Lord has blessed that. Imagine what you, one person, could do with your calling?!?!? If you started today...this time next year you might be shocked!

"Call to me and I will answer you, and I will tell you of things which you do not already know." -Jeremiah 33:3

"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth" Matthew 5:5

2007-11-28T07:41:00.000-06:00

His name is Norman Jones... but his street name is Thor. If you saw him from afar, you might run the other direction. But as he gets closer and you see the smile on his face and the light in his eyes.. you might just want to hug him. He is one of the few "street men" we know who has no criminal record. He wouldn't hurt a fly. He's a gift giver... he has nothing but the clothes on his back, but he always manages to come bearing gifts for someone on the staff. He doesn't say much at all.... he usually just stares silently and smiles. But the few little words he says usually consist of, "Hi everyone", "Please", "Thank you" and "I love you". If I could use a word to describe Thor, it would be meek. He is very loved.

He hasn't missed a Sunday night worship service, a Monday afternoon AA meeting or a Tuesday visit with the doctor to get vitamins in 6 years. So when we didn't see him on Sunday we got a little worried, when he didn't show up on Monday the AA leader drove the streets looking for him and when he didn't come into the doctor, we just knew. You see... it isn't uncommon for us to lose a few homeless men in the winter every year. Their feeble bodies just can't handle the cold weather and many freeze to death. So yesterday afternoon we got the call... he died alone sometime over the weekend in an abandoned house. But Thor wasn't alone.. Thor was a believer in Jesus Christ. So when his poor sick, cold body passed from this earth, he got to go to a much warmer place. Thor won't ever have to live through another cold winter. He is safe and warm in the arms of the King.

My favorite picture of Thor... kneeling at the foot of the cross to take communion.

Thanksgiving.

2007-11-23T22:57:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I was reflecting back on this year and all the things I am thankful for ( I know it's cliche, but it's true) Here are a couple of things that popped into my mind.

The staff and volunteers- Did you know that there are only technically 5 full time staff members at Cross & Crown? But if you walked in on any given day you would swear there are at least 40-50 people working there. That's because they are. We manage to run a full time food ministry, clothing ministry, legal, medical and eye clinic. We also have just begun a community development project with properties in the neighborhood along with multiple youth ministries, childrens programs, addiction recovery and Sunday worship services (just to name a few) We do ALL this with 5 full time staff. That's because there are hundreds of volunteers who CHOOSE to show up on a daily and weekly basis. We are so blessed. I am thankful for the other full time staff members. They all have been given specific gifts that make them amazing at their job. Every day I am reminded of how well the Lord has molded us together for His purpose.

The neighborhood- I am thankful for the women who cook us lunch every day just because they want to, the homeless men who pick up trash in our grass because they want it to look pretty, the men in the neighborhood who mow when the grass gets to high without even asking, and the kids who come bombard my car and shower me with hugs when I get to work every morning. I never take for granted the graciousness of all the precious people who live and love in our precious community.

I am so fulfilled at this point in my life. There are days when I am discouraged, but when I look back on all the many blessings and miracles from this year, I can't help but be excited about the future.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.
Psalm 91:1,2

Is there such a thing as normal? Part II

2007-11-20T19:47:00.000-06:00

Today's schedule for comparison...
8:45-10:30 Took a prostitute from the neighborhood to get a state id at Department of public safety
10:30-11:00 Prayer time with all volunteers and staff
11:00 Let in about 200 people for thanksgiving food baskets
11:15 Translated for neighborhood woman who decided to preach about thanksgiving to our entire waiting area
11:30 Carried out t-giving baskets
12:00 Returned emails and made phone calls
12:15 Filled out christmas info on additional families
12:30 Drove to Yukon to pick up video games for Rock Island
1:30 Ate expired Food Bank food for lunch
2:00-5:30 Rock Island after-school program (Lots and lots of Halo 3)
6:00 Drove home

I know that isn't very exciting to read... but I was just making a point to some people who had asked. There is no such thing as normal... and I love it.

What do you want for christmas?

2007-11-19T22:55:00.000-06:00

Today my aunt came and videoed part of our elementary christmas rehearsal. She also came out on the playground and asked kids what they wanted for christmas... watch this. Thanks Aunt Dawn!

By the way... which part do you think made me get a little choked up?

Is there such thing as normal?

2007-11-19T18:26:00.000-06:00

People always ask.... "What is a normal day like at Cross and Crown?" I don't know what normal would look like, but here is my day today in a nutshell.... I will blog tomorrow and tell you about my day and then we will compare the two. It's an experiment... I'm not sure what normal looks like.

8:30 Arrived at work to see around a hundred people lined up around the block waiting to sign our food list
9:00 Made coffee with Ron for the spanish womens bible study... drank 2 cups of coffee myself
9:30 Began sewing some of the costumes for the neighborhood Christmas nativity.
10:30 Had prayer time with entire staff... laid hands on and prayed for one of our neighborhood women who is in the middle of leaving an abusive relationship. Prayed for her and her teenage son who are basically homeless.
11:00 Opened the door and let in about 150 people for thanksgiving baskets
11:30 Had an intervention with our first 16 year old "youth group prostitute". Confronted her about her behavior and prayed with her.
12:00 Carried 10 billion pounds of thanksgiving food up and down the Cross and Crown stairs (not really 10 billion... but close)
12:30 Called about 30 different people about Christmas adoptions
1:00 Ate Chille Rellenos with homemade tortillas, beans and rice made by one of the neighborhood women
2:00 Burned (and edited) CD's with a few of the Rock Island boys
3:00 Had elementary rehearsal for the Christmas nativity.
4:00 Played outside and ate snack with elementary kids
4:30 Unloaded 50 thanksgiving food baskets and 50 turkeys delivered by my church (Northchurch)
5:00 Sat on the curb and visited with neighbors
6:00 Drove home

I guess you could say today was normal. No major drama. My favorite part... sitting on the curb at the end of the day talking to neighbors.... My least favorite part.... I don't really have one. Today was good.

Lightbulb moments.

2007-11-18T14:27:00.000-06:00

Alot of people ask me, "is your job super stressful?' I always answer the same.. the only time I am stressed is when I bring it upon myself. People don't stress me out, tasks stress me out. I have just recently realized that in order to stay relaxed I live from one "lightbulb moment" to the next. A "lightbulb moment" is a little glimpse of success in everyday ministry. It's an alcoholic coming to an AA meeting for the first time, a little street kid memorizing John 3:16 or a prostitute knocking on the door to ask for prayer. The stressful times like fist fights, gang drama and drug dealers don't stress me out... because I live from lightbulb moment to lightbulb moment.

This weekend I experienced one of those moments....

Since the holiday season is fastly approaching, I am in pure christmas decor mode. But, I ran into a road block this past week. I have not a clue how to hang Christmas lights. I am a new home owner and growing up outdoor lights were not one of my chores. My dad and brother always did the outdoor stuff, the girls did the indoor stuff. So when I noticed my neighbors putting up their lights I rushed to my local Home Depot to join in the fun. I had a feeling putting up the lights by myself would be a disaster so I enlisted the help of two Rock Island boys. I made an assumption that because they were boys and mexicans they could put up christmas lights. (Mexicans use xmas lights year around!) So yesterday we made a valliant attempt...after 6 hours and another trip to Lowes... it got dark and we gave up. But that's not the good part...

After the boys spent so long trying, I felt bad and offered to take them to dinner along with two RI girls that had a slumber party at my house last night. One of the boys is very hard to get to know. The only time I have ever heard him speak is if he is one on one with me and no one else is around. When he does talk it is very quiet and in broken english. I have known him for about 5 years and have never heard him pray out loud, say anything about God or prayer, or pay attention during bible studies or church. He seems completely uninterested in the whole God thing. We'll call him D. They decided they wanted RibCrib. So we sat down and ordered. They were all kind of hyper and loud and we were just having a good time. When the food arrived we all started digging in.... and then I heard a mumble in my direction "Can we pray?".... I thought I misunderstood the boy so I asked again. And D said loudly "CAN WE PRAY?" Everyone stopped and stared.. we bowed our heads right there and prayed together. During the prayer I got a little choked up. I began to thank God for each one of them and the young men and women of God they are becoming. I was like a proud mother sitting there with them.

Not that we don't have our dark moments at Rock Island... we do! BUT... every so often we have a lightbulb moment that seems to light the path a little until the next moment comes along.

I'm not alone anymore.

2007-11-14T08:30:00.000-06:00

In the past few months we have had over 20 baptisms, and I'm pretty sure I can remember the names of almost all those people, but I want to share a precious story about "Gena", because her baptism is the one that will stick with me for a long time.

A little over a year ago a young woman stumbled into our Monday morning spanish bible study. She looked worn out and had everything she possessed in her car with her, including her two sons. They had just escaped from a horribly abusive home and had absolutely no where to go. They had heard about the bible study from a friend of a friend and didn't know a soul. That very first Monday with her little boys sitting by her side "Gena" shared her story with the entire bible class, and that very first Monday the women in the class passed around a bucket and gave her everything they had. These are women that come to the mission to get food so that they can feed their family and they were giving all their spare change to a complete stranger... that is love.

That was a year ago, since then "Gena" has gotten back on her feet with a job and a home for her children and she hasn't missed bible study since. She has formed a special bond with Suzanne and always comes bearing gifts like cookies and chocolates. This past Monday "Gena" decided to commit her life to Christ and be baptized. There were around 50-75 women there to witness her special moment. Women who a year ago had been strangers, but today are her best friends and accountability partners. Moments before Gena stepped into the baptistry, she knelt before her two sons (ages 7 and 8) in front of the entire sanctuary and apologized to them. She apologized for letting them be abused and not standing up, she apologized for their physical and mental scars, she pleaded with them to forgive her and give her a fresh start... and through many tears the little family hugged and committed to a new life in Jesus Christ.

After every baptism Pauls asks people how they feel and then he writes it in the back of his bible. When he asked Gena she said, "I'm not alone anymore". What special words from a special person. It's amazing how the Lord works. He takes people who are coming to us for something physical (food, clothes, etc.) and He overwhelms them so much with his love that they can't help but leave completely changed. That's good.

An act of love in a home of hate!

2007-11-11T14:07:00.000-06:00

I have more than a few favorite moments in the last year at Cross & Crown. Some are funny, some are sad. On January 1 I plan to blog about the top 10 moments from the last year, but for right now I wanna share a little story from one of those favorite moments.

Every Thursday morning the mission is closed and the staff meets for a staff meeting, afterwards we try to do one act of community service out in the neighborhood, such as mowing a neighbors yard, planting flowers or just visiting one of the older people that can't get out. 2 weeks ago during our staff meeting, our truck driver from the Regional Food Bank called. He had just dropped off 10,000 lbs of food the day before that we had ordered and paid for, but because of our relationship with him, he had another load of produce that was about to go bad that he wanted to give us. We were expecting a few boxes of tomatoes, but we were shocked when Dwayne (the driver) showed up in the biggest semi the Regional Food Bank owns. Full of milk, eggs, tomatoes, potatoes, lettuce, onions, mushrooms and tortillas. ALL FREE! We were so excited and immediately began loading the mission trailer full of everything. It was like Christmas, Paul drove slowly down NW9th, 8th and 7th as Ron and I knocked on every door and delivered the gifts. All the neighbors were coming outside and were so excited. Some even followed us around the neighborhood and helped us give away everything. It was a precious time in community.... I tell all that to get to the real good story.

There is a house in our neighborhood that I am scared of. I think to some extent I'm a tough person and not much in the neighborhood frightens me, but this house does. It's painted with all the gang symbols of a particular white supremacist gang, has about 10 different pit bulls strategically placed on chains throughout the property, and in the 6 years I've been at Cross & Crown, I've never seen even one person come out during the day. So, when we reached that house, I was not jumping for joy to walk up and ring the doorbell, but one of their neighbors said there were kids there, so we should try. So Paul, being the great leader he is, got out of the van and stood in the middle of the street yelling at the front door, the dogs wouldn't even allow us on the sidewalk. After a few minutes of yelling, the scariest looking man I have ever seen came outside. He was huge and buff, wasn't wearing a shirt, was a skinhead and had what looked to be the letters 666 tattooed on his forehead. I didn't say a word, I just stared. Paul followed by saying that we heard he had kids and wanted to bless his family with free groceries. The man just held his ground in the middle of his porch and scowled at us. I was on the verge of running screaming in the other direction when the man stepped out into the street and in complete silence he began picking groceries of our trailer that he wanted. ( I forgot to tell you that we blew a tire 5 minutes into our delivery and had been driving on the rim for the last 2 hours) Just as he was about to head back in the house, he turned and said, "Hey, do you need some help with that tire? I've got one in the back you can have." And then he walked to the back yard and came back rolling his peace offering... a great big Firestone tire. You see... this man probably didn't know the way or words to say thank you, so he did the best thing he could. As we drove off, he still never smiled one bit, but I could see the Spirit of God in him, I could feel it. Despite those letters on his forehead and the hate in his eyes, I can sense that the Holy Spirit is hanging around that house... just waiting for the right moment. I don't think it's the last we will see of him... and that doesn't scare me anymore.

I am going to start driving by that house everyday and I will pray the anointing of the Holy Spirit... I pray that the light will penetrate the darkness and the chains that Satan has placed there will be broken and that the people that live there will finally be set free by the blood of Jesus.

Jesus....the most important part.

2007-11-09T18:34:00.001-06:00

This Christmas we are doing something very special. Our first EVER Christmas live nativity. The children in the neighborhood are the stars. Last month at the CCDA conference I was struck by something one of the speakers said. He said, "if you invite parents to church they might never come, but if you invite them to see their own kid dressed up and singing or acting, they might never leave."

So that is my goal for the Christmas program... it's a way to get parents to show up, that might otherwise never step foot in Cross & Crown. The night will be great, complete with a Christmas feast afterward free to the whole neighborhood that my church (Northchurch) will be providing. I'm excited.

Even though I'm excited about the program, I was dreading this last week when I assigned parts to all the children. I was so worried that some of the children would leave thinking their part wasn't important.. I didnt' want to hurt feelings. So, I had Luke read the Nativity story to all the children and then I marketed each part the best I could... The shepherds are the best because they get to carry big sticks, the wiseman are the most important because they get to dress in sparkly clothes and carry big presents, the angels are the GREATEST because they get to wear beautiful white robes and pretty wings, etc. And gratefully, it worked. Most every child got the exact part they wanted. As I got to the end of the assignments I realized that there weren't any parts left and one of our little boys didn't have one. He is the smallest kid in the elementary ministry. He is in 2nd grade and about the size of a 4 year old. Everyone calls him Junior. I noticed he was kind of sitting in the back and wasn't saying much... I was frantically searching my paper for any blank space I could plug his name in to give him a part when his hand shot up, "Can I be baby Jesus?" I was shocked... and I kind of stuttered and said, "Junior, Why do you want to be Baby Jesus?" and he answered, "Because He is the most important part." Reality check Chandy.... why was I marketing all the different parts as the best part? Jesus is it... I should have been preaching that to them all along. Thank God for little Junior and his sweet words.

She will give birth to a son, and His name will be Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins. -Matthew 1:21-

The land of the free... but not if you're Mexican!

2007-11-03T14:44:00.000-05:00

Many people have been writing me emails and little notes asking the same question, "what do you think about all this immigration stuff happening in Oklahoma?" They have been waiting patiently for me to blog about it and the waiting is over.

The truth is... I have nothing to say. I don't even read the papers anymore, because if I have to read one more comment from Senator Terril about how the goal of HB1804 is too make it impossible for Mexicans to live here, I'm going to lose my mind. Am I the only one that thinks the part of 1804 that says it is "illegal to transport or harbor illegal immigrants" sounds like the Holocaust?

I know literally hundreds of people that are living in fear. They stay locked up in their houses hiding in utter terror because they are being discriminated against. This is racism in it's most evident form. The only alternative our government is giving these families who have lived here for 20+ years is to go back to Mexico and live in absolute poverty, uproot their children (who are citizens) from our schools and take them back to a place that not only has ZERO education system, but has no access to medical care.

So basically, not only are we deporting parents, we are sending AMERICAN CITIZEN children back to live in a country where they have a high chance of dying from malnutrition, and if that doesn't get them, then the common cold or flu might... because they have no access to health care. And what about all the orphans that are going to come about from this? What about the families that are being torn apart? Senator Terril doesn't care about human beings, he cares about making a name for himself so that when he decides to run for a higher political office, everyone will know who he is.

I have never wanted to get political, but I just can't help it anymore. I've cried too many tears over this and lost too much sleep. I will pray for our government and leaders and hope that someone has the sense to stand up for these people. I also need to pray that the Lord will soften my heart towards all the people that are discrimating against my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ and who are preaching the message to MY CHILDREN that they are trash and don't DESERVE to live in the land of the free.

"So I will come near to you for judgment. I will be quick to testify against sorcerers, adulterers and perjurers, against those who defraud laborers of their wages, who oppress the widows and the fatherless, and DEPRIVE ALIENS OF JUSTICE, but do not fear me," says the LORD Almighty."
- Malachi 3:5-

It's only Halloween and all I can think about is XMAS.

2007-10-29T18:19:00.000-05:00

Christmas is just around the corner which means..... SUPER OVERLOAD at Cross & Crown. In years past we have done a full out Christmas store where parents come in and shop for their kids. They get so many points per child to shop with. This year we have decided to get the community more involved so we are doing family adoption. I'm pumped.

Since we are doing family adoption, we are going a different route with the Rock Island youth kids. We are having a Christmas party for our 20 most involved kids at my house. At that party we are hoping to buy each of our kids a nice hoodie (which is all the rage and they will wear out in no time) and then we are putting a bunch of good gifts in the middle to play dirty santa( for example, DVD's, video games, CD's, clothes) . I think it will be so much fun. This is where the blog community can get involved. And this is also the part we have a hard time blogging about.

We are thinking of averaging it out to spend about 75-100 dollars on each kid. I know this is alot. But this is the big time of year we do gifts and we want it to be very special. We are asking families that if they would like to sponsor a kid or know of an organization/company that would like to write a big check for all 20 kids... please let me know ASAP. Whoever sponsors is promised some pretty amazing pictures and maybe even some video clips from the party. So, even if your bank account looks like mine...don't feel bad...just put the word out to your friends with money. Ha! Next blog will be lots of photos from our Halloween hangout time on Wednesday. Blessings all!

Oh P.S. If you are interested in sponsoring the Xmas bash... email me at chandy.stout@mac.com

Empowering, not enabling!

2007-10-21T14:18:00.000-05:00

We are trying to light a fire under some of the people in the community.. and it might just work. I've learned more and more that if we are going to make a difference, we need to be about the work of empowering NOT enabling. I don't want to march into the neighborhood and start trying to change things. I want to build relationship with people and then when they come into a relationship with the Lord, they will be the one's doing the changing.

So we're preaching a new sermon to the kids at Rock Island. In the past it has been, "get an education and work hard so that you can get out of this neighborhood." Now the message is, "work hard to lead a change in this neighborhood right now".

Our newest idea to accomplish empowerment is our neighborhood advisory board. We are inviting different leaders from the neighborhood, both young and old, black, white and mexican to form a neighborhood association that Paul will lead. Together they will meet on a regular basis to address needs in the neighborhood. Can you imagine what it is going to look like to have a 25 year old ex-felon, a 40 year old single mom of 6 that doesn't speak English and a 15 year old middle school drop out leading a community out of poverty and danger to a picture of stability and family values? Only partnered together with the Holy Spirit could anyone accomplish this.

This past Thursday night I sat outside on the grass in front of the mission talking with one of the teenagers. It was beautiful outside and there was a nice breeze. I felt so much peace being able to sit there outside and talk about God in the middle of the hood. It was getting pretty late though and had been dark for about an hour. As I talked more and more with the 14 year old girl, she was pretty jumpy and always looking around. We'll call her Sheila. Sheila is usually very skiddish, she has been in and out of DHS custody her whole life as her parents have been in and out of prison. She exhibits all the text books signs of a child with a past of abuse and neglect. But, she has such a sweet, sweet spirit. I could tell that Sheila did not feel safe outside in that neighborhood and so I began to tell her about a dream I had for a day when there would be no more gangs, prostitutes or violence on that corner. After I told her of the dream I asked her, "What will you do if this neighborhood is totally transformed like I dream?" and she said, "I'll lay in the grass on this corner every night". So we prayed together and I prayed that there will come a day when I'll drive by and see Sheila laying in that patch of grass... then I'll know we've done our job.

Community.

2007-10-17T11:38:00.000-05:00

The CCDA conference was great. I really did learn so much from it. One of the best things we learned was about how to be a community together with the people. We also learned how to empower people in the neighborhood to stand up, lead, and better their community. We don't need to do it for them. My fear has always been thatwe would come to a point where we would seem like white, middle class people who just want to come down here and hand out stuff, and not really get to know and do life with people. That fear is definitely NOT reality. Yesterday at work my eyes were opened to all the ways we are having the opporunity to live in community with our friends and family in the neighborhood , here are a few simple examples from just the past week:

+ Yesterday started off with a neighbor coming in and asking for a referral for a plumber. I know that sounds simple, but she could have asked anyone, instead she came down and knocked on our door to ask what we thought.

+ One of the middle school boys who has been having trouble in school came sprinting down the street to show us he got a B on his 9 weeks social studies test. We were so proud!

+ At least 15 different kids rang the doorbell to see if we would buy chocolate candy bars they are selling for a school fundraiser, now that is definitely neighborly.

+ One of the men in the neighborhood who didn't have to work because of the weather came down and took out all our trash.

+ A father and son in the neighborhood noticed the lawn needed to be mowed while we were at the conference and so they mowed our lawn.

+ The local middle school invited Ron, Luke and I to play in the parent/teacher volleyball game.

+ And then there was yesterday... It was about 5:25 and we were just about to close down the after school program for the day. Ron and Luke were out back playing basketball with some of the kids and I was downstairs when the front door flew open and a little 8 year old neighborhood girl stood in front of me screaming, covered in blood. I usually pride myself in being in control during chaos here, but I must admit I panicked a little. I grabbed the girl and sat her on the couch, once I saw the bone in her chin exposed I yelled for Luke and Ron from the back. She had been playing on the stairs in front of Cross and Crown when she fell face first from the top to the bottom. It wasn't as bad as we first thought, but she did end up getting quite a few stitches. From all that chaos, the thing that stuck out to me the most was the little boy she was with when she fell. They didn't go running to their mom in the house across the street. They came running to Rock Island. And I remember the little boy saying over and over, as his friend cried, "We didn't know where else to go"....... WOW....... I truly believe that is how the Lord leads people to us here at the mission. We aren't going to be bible beaters or require them to quote the sinners prayer and be baptized before we help. We are going to be here regardles... and when they are truly feeling that they have no where else to go, they WILL ring the doorbell. And we'll be right here waiting.

I feel so privileged to be able to serve the Lord in this way.

Ask and it will be given to you;
seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.
Matthew 7:7

You can find me in St. Louey!

2007-10-12T18:21:00.000-05:00

Man....this is good!

For those of you who don't know. Our entire staff is currently in St. Louis for the annual CCDA (Christian Community Development Association) conference. It's a life-changer. I mean, it is so great to get together with other brothers and sisters who are called to do urban community family all over the nation and world just like us. We have been here since Tuesday and I have sat and listened to some of the best speakers I've ever heard. I had the privilege of sitting in a 5 hour class on Tuesday with Shane Claiborne (author of Irresistible Revolution). He is a radical... and I love it. Today I sat in a workshop about the Christian approach to immigration issues.. and perhaps my favorite part is the bible studies every morning with Dr. John Perkins... he is so full of passion and wisdom. At 77 years old he still speaks with such power and conviction it shakes the room.

The worship is great, the people are great and the knowledge is great.... BUT.... I miss all my kiddos. I'm so excited to take what I've learned here back to them. One of the great things I have learned is the need for empowerment. I don't want to preach to my kids, I want to teach them to preach so that they can do it themselves. So that THEY can revive their neighborhood with the Lord....not me or Ron or Paul or whoever. There have been amazing quotes all week, but perhaps my favorite is this...

" Go to the people,
Live among them,
Learn from them,
Love them,
Start with what they know,
Build on what they have:
But of the best leaders,
When their task is done,
The people will remark
'We have done it ourselves' "

Unexpected Comment.

2007-10-01T22:41:00.000-05:00

I was having a really REALLY crummy day today, nothing could go right... but then a little 7 year old boy said to me, "you look different today...very pretty"... and then he just walked away. My day was immediately brightened. Sometimes the Lord knows just what to send to turn my frown upside down.

Grace like rain...

2007-09-29T18:20:00.000-05:00

We started a new topic in our Rock groups this week. We're going to be talking about it for the next 3 weeks. It's a scary topic... one that is not to hard to explain at all, but very hard to grasp deep down. GRACE.

For those of us in an intimate relationship with the Lord, we shout for joy when we hear that word. For those of us who don't really understand it, it makes us nervous. Last night Ron brought an awesome DVD to explain the concept of grace. The narrarator was a father and he told a story about his son. He told about a time when his son got caught stealing and still denied it to his parents. But there came a point as he got deeper and deeper in the lie that he realized he was caught. So he ran and hid for a few hours before his dad finally found him. When his dad finally found him he said, "there is nothing you can do that could make me love you any less". And as the video clip faded out, the narrarator just kept repeating those words over and over. THERE IS NOTHING YOU COULD DO THAT WOULD MAKE ME LOVE YOU ANY LESS. The video went off and the room of 30 or so teenagers went silent.

We then split into our Rock groups. I started out my group by explaining what grace means to me personally. I told a story about a few months ago when I ran into an old friend from my freshmen year of high school. We exchanged hellos and then the person asked, "so what are you doing these days?" I replied, "Well, I'm an inner-city youth pastor". You should have seen the look on that person's face. "YOU are a PASTOR?" they exclaimed. They were shocked and although deep down I wanted to cry because I was embarassed at some of my past decisions... I just smiled and nodded. The person then said, "How did that happen?" I couldn't really think of any words to say so I just said...."Jesus saved me!"

Then I began to explain times in my life when I've made bad decisions and how when I finally reached a place where I came face to face with the Lord I wanted to say, "But God, what I've done is soooo bad, how could you ever forgive me?" and He would stand there with his arms open and not say a word. And I would say, "but God.. I'm so embarassed and ashamed" and He would stand there with his arms open. And I would keep making excuses and He would still stand there.

Then outside on the corner of 9th and Mckinley I got really fired up. I began to repeat the words over and over "there is nothing you could do that would make me love you any less". And I got louder and louder and then quieter down to a whisper. And when I reached the point I thought the 5 kids in my group were going to call me crazy and walk away I just kept repeating it over and over.... and the more I repeated it, the more glassy their eyes got and as we began to pray I could hear big sighs and sniffs... and then every single one of their broken voices prayed outloud.

That was a powerful moment... but I want more. Now that I know they feel the burden of theirs sins.. I want them to grasp how wide, long and deep is the love of Jesus. After they grasp it, I want to them to run to his open arms. I want every one of the 5 kids in my Rock group to accept Jesus by the end of the next 3 weeks. I've got a big goal... and it's scary, but it's possible.

I want each person reading this to make a commitment to pray this coming Thursday and the next around 7 o'clock. Pray that at that very moment the Lord will break down walls and the let the kids really FEEL the grace of the Lord raining down on them.

Putting the word out!

2007-09-27T12:49:00.000-05:00

As many of you know, most all of our kids live in homes where money is low and need is high. From the age of 12 many of the hispanic boys get pressure from their family to drop out of school and get a job. We have been fighting this uphill battle for a long time. How do we encourage these boys to stay in school when they are being discouraged at home?!?!

I've been brainstorming about this for a while and there are 2 ideas that we are working on. One has already started. We have bribed them to get good grades. If they have no D's or F's they get a prize. This rule came into effect last week when they all got their progress reports. There are a few specific kids who REALLY struggle in school. One particular 15 year old boy has pretty much gotten all F's his whole life, but always manages to make it to the next grade. This kid has an amazing heart and great potential, he just doesn't work very hard because he knows that he doesn't need a high school diploma to work construction or landscaping. PLUS, his families need is immediate and he knows he will soon quit school to work full time. I talked to him many times over this past summer about at least starting the 8th grade year and trying to make good grades, but I really didn't think he would stick with it. So when he decided the third day of school to give it a shot, I was ecstatic. But I wasn't prepared for last week. He comes sprinting in the Rock Island house and whips out his report card with a huge grin. 4 A's, 2 B's and a C. I was sooo proud of him. I knew for a moment what a mom feels like when her child comes home with good grades. I think the prizes for good grades thing is going to work!

The second idea I have is creating some sort of work-study program for these kids. I'm trying to put the word out about after-school jobs for some of the older boys. I think that if they can still contribute financially to the family in some way, they won't be pressured to drop out. One boy is particularly on my mind right now. He is the one receiving the most pressure about making money so he can send it back to Mexico to the rest of his family. He DOES have papers so he can legally get a job. So I'm putting the word out. If anyone knows of someone that could provide some after-school jobs or even people that want to hire out odd jobs on Saturdays such as lawn maintenance, etc. just contact me and I'll be sure to hook you up with one of our kids. I'll make sure they have rides, bus passes, etc. If you have an idea of some people that might be interested, just send them my link (not that I want alof of people reading my poor grammar).

It's amazing how God is daily presenting new needs that need to be met. Yesterday the youth staff's job description was a chef, personal shopper, crisis intervention, money management, school teacher, lunch lady and prayer counselor. Today it might be a trauma nurse, janitor, electrician, computer technician, artist who is bilingual. You just never know... that's what I love about my job.

Oh Lord.. You heard our cries.

2007-09-25T19:02:00.000-05:00

I don't think I can type anything that will do this story justice, but I hope you can sense my emotion as I write.

I remember my specific prayer this morning in prayer time at the mission. I prayed out loud ...

"Lord, I pray for the Hernandez family. I feel like I've lost all hope for them, but I know you are asking me to to pray without ceasing. So I will pray fervently and I won't give up because I can feel deep down you are at work, even at this very moment."

I have prayed without ceasing for 7 months now. I've prayed for the Lord to bring their entire family back so that they can go to school here and get a good education. I drive by their house every morning on my way to work and look for their suburban in the driveway. I've posted blogs about updates, but nothing has changed. They haven't shown up. So I confess that when the Lord called me to continue to pray on their behalf, I did it only out of obedience, not out of belief. I have been worn out with prayer about this.

After my prayer this morning I went on with my day. Our after-school program for the middle school/high school started around 2:30 and I was tired and a little bit cranky so I stayed upstairs away from the normal craziness and just played pool with one of the kids. Around 4:00 I heard screaming downstairs and, as always, I assumed there was a fight. BUT, when I went downstairs I was not prepared for what I would see. Standing in the front door were Osvaldo, Lorena and Jose Javier with huge grins on their faces. For those of you who know me, I rarely cry, but I was completely overcome with emotion and started shaking and sobbing. As I hugged each of them I'm pretty sure they thought I was never going to let go. Even typing this, I've got tears running down my face. I am AMAZED and overwhelmed at the Lord's goodness and faithfulness.

I don't really know what else to say but this, if you are praying to the Lord for a healing or miracle then just keep on praying. Pray without ceasing, because the Lord hears your cries and He is faithful to those who earnestly seek Him.

" In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears."
-Psalm 18:6-

"Rock Groups" rock!

2007-09-21T00:29:00.000-05:00

Tonight was a first for Rock Island. After much prayer, we decided to take a new approach to Thursday nights... discipleship groups. We are calling them, "Rock Groups".

Anytime we try something new I'm always a little nervous to see how the kids will handle it. I wonder if it's going to scare them off and they'll never come back or if it will be a huge failure in another way. I really need to get rid of this pessimistic attitude. The good side of this assumption is that I'm always pleasantly surprised and rarely let down. Tonight was no exception.

We had about 30 youth kids tonight. We split them into 4 different groups. We didn't start an indepth study for the first time out, we just split up and talked about what groups will be like. I spent some time splitting the groups based on age, peer group, race, and gender. When I say I split them by that, I mean that I integrated. Most kids ended up with other kids they barely knew. When I started telling the kids whose group they were in, there were some big sighs and bad attitudes. Noone wanted to be with other kids they didn't know, kids from rival gangs and especially kids with another colored skin from their own. But we just told them to suck it up and get over it, if they wanted to stay, they had to go to the group we assigned.

My group seemed to be going okay. There were 8 of us. It took a while to get the kids to talk or say anything, I was feeling a little discouraged. But when it came time for prayer requests, the good stuff began. One of the girls shared that she was struggling with missing her brother who was sent by DHS to a boys home 3 weeks ago. As she began to share, she began to sob. Families being split for various reasons is very common in this neighborhood, so I thought it was a unique opportunity for the other kids to share their common experiences of family splits and how they dealt with it. One boy talked about a brother getting sent to boot camp, one was a mother in prison, another was a brother running away from home and another was losing a best friend/brother to deportation. As the kids began to share their stories and how they dealt with it, I began to see my dream become a reality. In that group were guys and girls from every race, age and background, yet they were sitting there relating to each other and giving advice. I even saw some quivering lips as they sympathized with the girl and almost began crying with her. At the end we all got in a circle and layed our hands on her, some sweet prayers were said. One girl, who I've never heard pray outloud, prayed that angels would surround the brother, wherever he was.

I think "Rock Groups" are going to be a success. Pray that some true discipling will get done in these groups and that the Lord would break down the walls that some of these kids put up!

Sunday night kickoff!

2007-09-10T07:58:00.000-05:00

Last night was our first night back for Sunday worship after taking the summer off. We thought it would take a while to get up to our normal numbers but we were surprised as all our neighborhood friends and families were right there waiting as we opened the worship doors. Praise God!
Everyone is invited to join us every Sunday night. We have dinner together on our back patio at 6:00 and worship at 6:45.

I'm going to be a mommy!

2007-09-07T10:21:00.000-05:00

JUST KIDDING.... bet I scared you. Here's the real story. Every Tuesday one of the young moms from the neighborhood,"Maria", who I would consider a close friend, comes in to clean Rock Island for us. She does it voluntarily out of the goodness of her heart and I think it's great. Tuesdays are usually the highlight of my week, not because Rock Island gets cleaned, but because her 1 and 2 year old daughters spend the day with me. I'm not going to lie, they can get in the way a little bit with my job, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I love those 2 like they were my own.

This past Tuesday "Maria", who is 24 years old with 4 kids, came in to talk to me with a heavy heart. She then began to sob and tell me the story of what had her so upset. It seems immigration officers have made their presence known in the neighborhood in the past 2 weeks. Last weekend they actually picked up 62 illegals and deported them. Most were caught because of their affiliation with a local latino gang, but it's still scary for all the illegals in the neighborhood. "Maria" is concerned that she will be next. She is being evicted from her apartment on Oct. 1 because of her illegal status and really feels the time is coming when she will be sent back to Mexico. So she wants to make some preparations with me before that day comes.

"Maria" is in the same boat as many illegal immigrants. They don't have papers to be here, but their children were born here and therefore are U.S. citizens. Her 7 and 8 year old boys were born in Mexico and don't have papers, but her 1 and 2 year old girls do. The "preparations" she needed to talk to me about were the adoption of her 2 children. She wants me to take the 1 and 2 year old as my own. Now before I say anything about that... I must say. There will come a day in the future, very distant future, that I know I will adopt a latino baby. I also have always known the possibility of me taking one home from the mission at some point in my life is probable.

BUT, I am 23 years old and single, with no possibility of not being single in the near future or probably distant future. I had 3 questions when she sprung this request on me. The first was, "Don't you have other family here?" Her answer, she does, but she told me that most are all alcoholics and cocaine addicts. The second, "why not take them with you?" Answer, when she goes back to Mexico she most likely won't have running water or electricity and disease is running rampant in her home town. She doesn't want to take her daughters back if they can legally be here forever. And my last question, "why me?". Her answer, "because I want them to be like you". GULP... after that answer and a few tears I immediately wanted to say, Ok, where do I sign, hand em over. But, the thought of hauling them around in one of those baby backpacks at work and the look on my parents face when I told them they would be getting 2 more grandchildren this week (my sister had a little boy last Friday), kept my mouth shut and my mind running.

I didn't make any promises to "Maria", but I did tell her that I'll pray. Mainly I'm going to pray that she doesn't get deported. But I also will pray that God will give me the wisdom to know what to do with these two little girls, as well as the many children in the area who might soon be orphaned due to immigration laws.

"Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their troubles, and refuse to let the world corrupt us." James 1:27 NLT

I guess no news is good news!

2007-09-02T21:25:00.000-05:00

The reason I haven't updated Osvaldos story is because I don't have a clue. I keep hearing from family and friends in the neighborhood, "he'll be here tomorrow", "he'll be here in two weeks", "they are tying up loose ends in Mexico". So I'm staying optimistic and praying everyday for the miracle to continue. I ask that you do too. I will make a point to blog at least twice this week about things that are going on with the children and youth. I've been bad about that... sorry.

Maybe I should be praying that the Lord will make me a better blogger!

PRAY!

2007-08-21T10:14:00.000-05:00

Today is the 21st...that means everyone please say a prayer for the Hernandez family. Today is their appointment with immigration and they are travelling back from mexico. Pray that the Lord will open the eyes and hearts of the INS officials involved. Also, pray that the family gets back safe. I'll post pictures when I have them.

"Call to me and I will answer you"

2007-08-14T22:57:00.000-05:00

Before I share about my day today I want to share two quotes from my blog yesterday:

"The summer began with us losing one of our most involved kids to deportation. I didn't know that my heart would ever heal for that. It's still a tough subject."

""Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" Ephesians 3:20"

Now on to my story.... you're going to need to sit down for this one. To understand this story fully you need to go back and read "Chandy...we got our miracle" that I wrote on March 9 of this year. To sum that blog up, last March the family I am closest to at Cross & Crown, the Hernandez', were torn apart by deportation and I had to say goodbye to them all, including 14 year old Osvaldo who was the heart and soul of our Rock Island ministry. The hardest thing I've had to do since coming into full-time ministry a little over a year ago. On May 6 I wrote a blog titled "Viva la Mexico". In that blog I wrote about the plan I had to go see the Hernandez family for Osvaldos 15th birthday that is coming up on September 13th. Now that you're up to speed I will go on with my story.

On Sunday night I had a dream about Osvaldo. I dreamed he was walking towards me in a white t-shirt with a huge grin on his face, he told me he was coming home. On Monday morning when I got to work I told Luke & Ron about my dream and told them that I just had to go to Mexico and follow through on my promise for Osvaldo's birthday. I was actually considering taking a bus down there by myself. So I pretty much prayed all day yesterday for the Lord's guidance in what I should do. I knew He was telling me something about Osvaldo and I couldn't figure it out.

Today was the second day of the school store and after a long day of handing out close to 200 backpacks the staff was exhausted. I was tired and weary and ready to head home. The doorbell rang and Paul went to get it. A few seconds later I look up and in walks Luis, Osvaldos 22 year old brother. Luis stayed here when his family got deported in order to keep a job and send money back to Mexico. Luis has only been to Cross & Crown a few times, he is kind of shy and has never really acknowledged us as someone who loves and cares about his family, so the fact that he was standing in the middle of the sanctuary shocked me. Immediately my heart sunk into my stomach and I thought something was the matter. I wasn't prepared for what he told me next.

He was heading to Mexico this evening to pick up his family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Their mother has been given an appointment to renew her papers at the immigration office in Texas. THEY ARE COMING HOME! All of them...including their mother Maria and newest baby brother (who I've never met) Ezekiel. Osvaldo had called and asked Luis to come down and tell us. He also asked Luis to make sure we saved a backpack for all of them. They are getting back in time to start school. My immediate reaction was to start crying, which I did for a while... and then I remembered my dream.. the Lord wasn't telling me to go to Mexico, He was telling me that they are coming home. Never has Ephesians 3:20 rang so true. He truly is doing immeasurably more than I have asked or imagined.

To end this... I ask everyone to pray for their family. Specifically on the 21st. That is when Maria has her appointment with immigration. Pray that the Lord intervenes and brings their family home safely as soon as possible. Tell everyone you know to be praying all day on the 21st. The Lord is so very faithful to those who believe. And He says,

"CALL TO ME AND I WILL ANSWER YOU" -Jeremiah 33:3

Summers end....just the beginning!

2007-08-13T20:05:00.000-05:00

This morning on my way to work I was thinking back on this summer. This is the first summer of our full-time youth ministry and to say it was exhausting would be an understatement. But when I thought back about this summer I began to cry. The Lord has truly done some amazing stuff that I didn't even think possible. I can't imagine what amazing things He is going to do during the school year.

The summer began with us losing one of our most involved kids to deportation. I didn't know that my heart would ever heal for that. It's still a tough subject. But soon after the Lord started bringing kids from all over Oklahoma City who have now become a family. We had our share of hard times: the youth center was broken in to about 5 times, one of our kids got stabbed, a few of our kids spent and are spending some time in jail, there were a few gang encounters and as recently as this week, 3 of our youth kids are enduring the death of a parent. But then there is the good stuff: camp was life changing for so many of our kids. About 10 accepted Christ for the first time and had their first encounters with the Holy Spirit. We did slip and slide in the front yard of Rock Island, played basketball in the rain, watched tons of movies, had many pool tournaments, had watermelon eating contests, and ate lots of ice cream and pizza.

I remember a few weeks ago during a particularly tough time asking myself what in the world I am doing. I think I ask myself that at least once a week. I love what I'm doing, but sometimes I wonder if I'm equipped. The Lord then reminded me of a prayer I prayed months ago. I said, "Here am I, send me". That is a bold prayer and it still scares me, but I dare anyone to pray it. The Lord not only will overwhelm you with predicaments, but he will open the flood gates to His blessing. As we near the closing of our exciting summer and the kids head off to school I can't help to be excited about what's going to happen next and thankful I get to be a part of it.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" Ephesians 3:20

AND HE HEALED THEM.

2007-07-31T07:09:00.000-05:00

The very last picture is of a kid named Julius. I met him at Sister Teddy's school. It is a boarding school (if you can call it that) run by a former nun. She used to only take in deaf, blind and crippled. Now she also takes in former LRA members who have escaped. She has about 120 kids, half are LRA and half are handicapped. We spent 4 days at Sister Teddys... the very first day I was drawn to Julius. He didn't socialize with the other kids or smile. He just sat in the corner with a sad look on his face. Julius is 14 and when he was 12 he had to witness his dad (who was going mentally crazy from AIDS) chop up his little brother with a machette and then turn on him. Someone intervened before Julius was killed. The brain damage left him deaf, mute and paralized on his entire left side. I knew from the moment I met him that the Lord would heal him: body and spirit.

The last day a few people in our group decided to lay hands on Julius and pray for him. We spent more than an hour just calling out to the Lord. I was literally sweating I was in such a spiritual battle for this child. I could feel the battle surging and must admit I was about to give up when.... I felt something. My hand was on his back and I began to feel the vibration in his voice. That's when one of our team who was on the front side of him cried out that he was talking, a few moments later we communicated with him and discovered he was hearing.... we knew there was only one thing left to do. Keep battling and wait for the Lord to heal his paralysis. So we began calling out to the Lord again and a few minutes later his body started to shake.... he started straightening his hand on his left side. I've never seen anyone healed in front of my eyes... I've heard of it, but never seen it. I had no idea what to do. So I just sat and stared as he marveled in his new healing. This teenager had been mute, deaf, and paralized for 2 years and now the Lord had intervened. HALLELUJAH!

This picture was taken after his healing...look at that smile. As we left the school compound for good we looked up to see Julius standing at the gate waving bye... he had the biggest smile and just as he was shutting the gate we saw him jog over and kick a soccer ball with the other boys. OH PRAISE HIM...

"Then the news about Him spread throughout Syria. So they brought to Him all those who were afflicted, those suffering from various diseases and intense pains, the demon-possessed, the epileptics, and the paralytics. AND HE HEALED THEM"
-Matthew 4:24

Hola from Africa...except they don't say Hola!

2007-07-16T06:12:00.000-05:00

Greetings from Kampala Uganda. We arrived here early this morning. It has now been 6 airplane meals and 3 days without a shower since I stepped foot on American soil. Kampala is in the capital and I just paid a dollar to use a computer in a little print shop for 30 minutes. We whitewater raft the Nile tomorrow and then it's off to the village of Kitgum for the rest of my 2 week stay.

One of the more funny things about my trip so far is my frequent slippage of the Spanish language. For some reason, when I'm around people that don't speak English I switch straight to Espanol mode and start spitting out "holas" and "como estas's". Nevermind that they might speak French, Portugese or Acholi. I have slipped so many times and feel like such a dork.

My 30 minutes is almost up. But I just wanted to let everyone know I'm here safe and please pray for my trip. Pray for everyone on our team and that God would open our eyes and ears to his purpose here. Blessings.

When you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts. - Hebrews 4:7

2007-07-13T09:22:00.001-05:00

Last night we took some of the Rock Island kids who are 15 and older to a pre-screening of a new movie called, "Miss HIV" It was very interesting. Much of the movie was about the AIDS epidemic in Uganda. This caught my attention, considering I fly out for Uganda in less than 24 hours. After the movie we took all the kids to dinner. It's always special when we can eat a meal together.

After we got back to Rock Island I ended up giving one of our youth girls a ride home. We'll call her "Ava". Ava came into our office on Wedesday night in tears over several issues. One was family issues at home, one was being picked on by other girls (it's a jealousy thing, Ava is very beautiful) and the last was that she is desperately seeking the Lord and all her friends are dragging her down. She is trying to find a way to get away from all the negative influences around her. After giving her some female advice, Ron and I laid hands on her and prayed for her. One of the things I prayed for her was that she would come to really KNOW God, not just about Him.

Okay, back to the ride home. So last night (Thursday) I'm taking her home and she asks if she tells me something weird, will I think she's crazy. I tell her of course not, everyone thinks I'm crazy anyways. So she goes on to tell me that the night before (Wednesday) she woke up in the middle of the night from a dream where God had told her to read Psalms 27:1. The interesting thing is that because of her lack of biblical background she didn't even know how to say Psalms, it was just spelled out in her dream so she spelled it for me and asked how to say it. She said she got out of bed, found her bible and read the scripture and then prayed. It's really hard to explain to kids about the voice of God but that was definitely it with "Ava". I just encouraged her not to ever feel weird and to listen when she thinks the Lord is speaking to her. I am excited about this knew breakthrough with "Ava" and I pray that she will have more intimate experiences with the Lord. I also pray for these experiences for all our kids. I don't want the bible to just be this book that has big words and confuses them, I want it to be ALIVE.

"The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

Empty Streets

2007-07-12T10:48:00.000-05:00

Rock Island doesn't normally meet on Wednesday nights, but last night we had some of our friends we met at Youth for Christ camp over to hang out for pizza. We had a great time.

This is just a quick group picture we took last night of some of our kids. Some nights, when we have lots of kids, I get kind of overwhelmed. But just think... every kid in this picture voluntarily spent their night at a Christian youth center. NW 10th, 9th and 8th streets were empty because all the kids were in Rock Island. That's a good feeling.

Update

2007-07-06T19:14:00.000-05:00

It occured to me that none of the Rock Island staff have blogged in a very long time. Ron is on family vacation right now in Florida and Luke..well we all know he doesn't blog much. I leave for Africa a week from tomorrow. The day after I get back from Africa I close on my new house (July 31), so that is my excuse. I've been making an attempt at being organized for those two big events.

Here are a few updates:

- Last week some of the youth kids informed me that we need to take more field trips. With camps and stuff like that we only scheduled one to White Water in August. I told them to make me a list of stuff they wanted to do. Some items listed in the list of about 50 things were build a pool in the back of Rock Island and go to the lake. Ha. I then had to explain to them why it would be unwise to take 20 kids who can't swim to the lake and how if we put a pool behind Rock Island there wouldnt' be a basketball court. They quickly erased those things. They had some good ideas like camping, fishing, putt putt and Redhawks game. We are going to make an attempt to fulfill some of those wishes in the few weeks of summer left.

- We are starting a new girls bible study this week at Rock Island. I'm leading an in-depth study of what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I've been reading Proverbs 31 every night for about a month as a refresher. It's good for me...helps me to know areas I personally need to work on.

- This coming Wednesday we are going to do lice treatments on all the elementary kids. There is an outbreak and I'm pretty sure at least 20-30 of them have major infestation. I'm surprised I haven't gotten them in my 5 years working at the mission.

- We started language tutoring this month. It's just the beginning of this program. We are using the Let's Start Talking format which uses the book of Luke as a textbook. We are starting with only 3 students and 3 tutors. I'm sure it will grow alot in the months to come. Pray for Olga, Socorro and Ana as they attempt to learn English for the first time.

Blessings to everyone!

Comfortably Numb

2007-06-26T14:43:00.000-05:00

Right now I'm sitting in the Rock Island office in complete silence. This is a very rare occasion and I'm loving every minute of it. All the youth kids are in the big room watching "Blood Diamond". Every Tuesday we do movie day. We invite all the middle school/ high school kids from the neighborhood in to eat popcorn/candy and watch a popular movie. Last week we watched "Freedom Writers" and the week before was "Stomp the Yard". After the movie is over we usually ask the kids what they saw in the movie that might apply to what they know about God. I have liked many of the answers we have gotten in the past few weeks. I wonder what comments they will have after the movie today. If you haven't seen Blood Diamond, it's a great flick.

At Northchurch, my pastor Rodney is doing a series called "Comfortably Numb". I have really enjoyed it and this subject has gotten me thinking. I have been here full-time for just over a year and in that short time I feel as if I have become comfortably numb with some of the surroundings.Yesterday was a prime example of this. Early in the morning I was standing out on the corner in front of the mission talking to a neighbor when a car sped by and a man came tumbling out of the passenger seat onto the street ... the car kept moving. He was bloody and screaming and one of the neighbors called 911, a few cops and an ambulance showed up. I came to find out that the man had picked up a prostitute who pulled a knife on him and stole his car. The whole time all this is going on, I'm just sitting in the grass playing hand-clap games with some of the kids, trying to keep the away from the cool people in uniform. I didn't really think anything of it and chalk it up to another day in the life.

As I go inside the mission everyone is wondering what is going on. They wondered why I didn't run in to get help and let everyone know. I had a moment after that when I realized. Wow... I am so numb to some of the chaos in this neighborhood. I just sat in the grass and played with the kids while all this went on around me. I felt a little guilty. Then I realized. There is one good thing and one bad thing about my lack of freaking out at chaos. The good thing is that... I don't freak out. I don't really feel like I ever panic in the day to day situations here and that is a good quality for inner-city work. On the bad side.... I might be comfortably numb. I hope that I don't ever miss an opportunity of people hurting because I'm used to it. I hope I don't ever reach a point when someone's pain will be unimportant to me because it seems "normal". I hope I never reach a point where I am unable to be broken. I hope that God continues to break me here... because that is when He gets to sweep in and save the day and HE is glorified!!! I hope I'm not ever comfortably numb.

Our version of church!

2007-06-22T09:18:00.000-05:00

God likes to give us gifts.

2007-06-21T08:11:00.000-05:00

Often I blog about how I have a major goal to let the kids in the neighborhood, just be kids. Yesterday I was given that opportunity and it was a day to remember. In light of the recent scorching weather, we decided to incorporate the most sophisticated and brilliant childhood water toy ever invented into our elementary ministry time.... SLIP'N'SLIDE!!! I probably haven't had the chance to partake in the fun of this great invention in the past 15 years. In those years the slip'n'slide has evolved from a long peace of plastic to a construction project complete with a fountain, built in sprinkler and water pit at the end. I was impressed!

After we set up two huge slip'n'slides in the front yard of Rock Island, the children began to flock. In a matter of minutes there were around 20-30 pushing and shoving in line for a chance to race down the slide. Most kids just wore their play clothes from the day, but there were a select few who wore something different. I got sidetracked for a while trying to set up a water toy and after my project I glanced up to see a group of 4 and 5 year olds who had decided that panties and undies were the best water apparel. It was funny to see cars drive by, it was obvious they were puzzled why a bunch of little brown children were slip'n'sliding in their undies in front of a church.

My favorite moment came at the end of the day. A little 4 year old, "Emma", decided she was cold and so we walked to the back yard to lay out on the dry concrete in the sun. After a few minutes she began to see shapes in the clouds and started pointing them out and naming them (in spanish, of course). There was "gato" (cat), "serpiente" (snake) and my personal favorite, "angel". She then asked me why the clouds made shapes. I paused wondering what my answer could be (I get these kinds of trivial questions often) and said "God does it". She then said the sweetest thing I've heard, in her broken four year-old Spanish she said "They are gifts, God likes to give us gifts"....... WOW! SHE GETS IT! What a perfect ending to a perfect day, in the midst of mud, water and sprinklers, a child points out a most precious message. God likes to give us gifts. Amen.

God's entourage!

2007-06-18T19:21:00.000-05:00

Meet Leslie, Yadira, Adrian, Adamary, Lorena, Ricardo and Emily. Ron calls them my "entourage". I don't know about that, but I love their mamas. They live down the streeet from the mission and ring the doorbell at the mission everyday around 3 just to say hello and give me a hug and kiss. It's always the best part of my day! Can you see why?

I really hope these 7 little kids grow up to be strong women and men of the Lord. It's sad to think that at some point in their lives this neighborhood might pollute some of their innocence. I don't have the power to be there every second as these children grow up and guard their little eyes, ears and hearts. But I do have the power to call on someone who can do that. That's why I pray for angels... every day. I truly believe that at this very moment there is a host of angels watching over each of these little ones.

For the Lord says, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do no know" (Jeremiah 33:3)

Tamales por todo!

2007-06-15T10:51:00.000-05:00

Last night on the way to our Rock Island activity I stopped at one of the neighbors to say hello. She has kids in the Rock Island and Underground program and we've become very good friends. When I walked into her house I could smell something amazing so I quickly made my way back to the kitchen. There was a wonderful sight. My friend along with her two sisters and sister-in-law were slaving away in the kitchen. They were cooking tamales and when I asked what for they said...for Rock Island. They got up early yesterday morning and spent their own money to buy the supplies, then they spent all day yesterday cooking over 200 tamales. Just because they love us.

These women are on the very bottom of the poverty scale in the area surrounding the mission. Yet they took what money they had and their talent to bless others. So precious. I told a few of our teens last night that they could learn from this women. Many of our teens feel like they have nothing to offer, yet they could use their talents to bless others. I wonder if they will put that lesson into practice this week and do a good deed. I'll update on the outcome.

I love my job!

CAMP PHOTOS

2007-06-08T10:26:00.000-05:00

I just woke up from a 20 hour nap!

2007-06-08T09:53:00.000-05:00

It is not very often that I am at a loss for words. Especially when writing, I can always come up with something. After this past week I feel like I have so much to say and no way to say it.

Last Sunday afternoon, Luke and I loaded up 11 Rock Island youth kids in the van and headed to Stand Up camp, which is an inner-city camp put on by YFC. We had no idea what to expect, so Luke and I each packed our entire closets knowing that the RI kids would not possibly pack everything they needed. Halfway through the week the entire group was clothed by Luke and I's wardrobe. Ha.

One thing I learned this week is that this camp is not for the faint of heart. Most nights we were up playing "night games" (dodgeball, glow-in-the-dark ultimate frisbee, glowstick tennis) until 1 or 2 in the morning. I didn't go to bed before 3 the entire week and most night it was closer to 4. So to say I was sleep deprived when I got home yesterday would be an understatement, I was a zombie.

We had some slight behavioral problems, but for the most part I was very proud of the way our kids conducted themselves. They had great attitudes and I can definitely say that we will have 11 new leaders in our Rock Island program for the summer. As most people know, I'm a story-teller and I really could tell 100 stories from this week, but I will just share one small one and save the rest for future blogs.

When we pulled up to camp the first day we immediately noticed we were a little different. 3 of our boys were the only mexicans at a primarily black camp. They noticed this also and wanted to turn around and go home, but we encouraged them to give it a shot.. For most of our kids, this was their first time to be away from home for any amount of time, so we spent alot of time combatting home-sickness. So on Tuesday night I wasn't shocked to look up and see one of our girls standing by herself with big tears streaming down her face. I sat down with her for a while and through sobs she began to tell me how she didn't belong, she was home-sick and felt like she didn't fit in. She is a black girl and I begin to tell her the story of our 3 mexican boys and how they were in the minority but tried hard to be involved in everything, and how if they could do it, she could try also. As I was telling her this those same 3 boys came over to us, they had no idea why she was upset and looked very concerned. They sat down next to us and put their arms around her and asked her if she was okay, they told her if she needed anything to let them know and that she is their family. After a few tears they finally got her to start laughing and the 4 walked off together. As I saw them walk off I was certain of one thing, God sent those boys over there. The kids in the neighborhood are really coming together as a family to watch out for each other and comfort each other when they are sad.

I have been waiting for years to see the day our Rock Island kids would step across racial lines and embrace one another as family. I think it's beginning.

Greetings from Florida.

2007-05-31T17:09:00.000-05:00

I'm creating the ultimate work-a-holic sin. I'm blogging from vacation. Yikes! Right now I'm in Destin, Florida with my family. I'm blogging because I feel the need to write down one of the thoughts I've had while I've been away from work this week. There is something about the beach that is calming and a great place to think. I've spent alot of time out on the balcony of our condo staring at the waves, praying and thinking about stuff.

I have had one major thought that has overwhelmed me this week. I am blessed beyond belief. I am so lucky to have a family that can afford to spend a week in a place this beautiful. The very first day we were here I was on the balcony looking out at the white sand and waves and I thought, "I doubt the kids/youth at Cross & Crown will ever get the opportunity to see or do something like this". I thought about all the places I've been and things I've experienced in my short 23 years... I have probably experienced more in this past year than most of them will in a lifetime.

For those who know me, I'm a firm believer in experiencing life. I will pretty much try anything once. I have had the opportunity to serve in mission fields all over the world, study abroad in South America in college and vacation all over the US with my family. I say all this to say, I feel like so many of the youth at Rock Island are living in a prison. I see a quality of adventure in many of them and also many of them are big dreamers. The thing is, they never actually think their dreams are possible. They have the mindset that they will never get out of Oklahoma or get to travel. They don't have the money or the people to go with.

It is my sense of adventure that has made me come to a decision this week. I want to start focusing on letting the kids EXPERIENCE life. If they haven't been to the zoo, they should go. If they've never been on a boat, they should ride on one. If they've never seen the ocean, road trip to Galveston, ha! But, I'm serious. I want these kids to have the opportunities I have. I tend to get carried away in ministry. I dream big dreams that aren't really possible. I may not get to bring every kid to Destin with me next time I come, but I want to give them a chance to see and do things they didnt think were possible.

Like I always say in my blogs, some may think I'm crazy, and I am a little bit, but it also never hurt anyone to dream a little.

I'm ready for camp and I managed to fit everything I need in a shoe box.

2007-05-23T19:09:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning and went in to complete panic. My calendar for the next two weeks is PACKED and I am a little behind. I leave early Friday morning for a vacation to Florida with my family. The part that made me panic is the fact that the day I get back is the day I leave for inner-city camp with 15 of our middle school/high school kids. This is when I went in to "mommy mode".

I don't have kids and don't expect to for a very long time, but despite this fact, I do in fact have a "mommy mode". After arriving at work I quickly pulled out the packing list for camp and discovered two things. One, I had yet to pack any of the things on the list for myself and two, our kids will inevitably show up ready to go with one pair of underwear, the clothes on their back, quite possibly a toothbrush and maybe a pillow. I have this vision that they will show up with everything packed into a shoebox.

I spent the day digging around at Cross & Crown for things that might help them fill the required packing list. I got a hold of all the bathroom items and have assigned the interns to create "hygiene goody bags". Now comes the big task. Tomorrow is bargain shopping day for me. Every child is required to bring one bath towel, one beach towel, and bedding. Most of the kids share a bed with 1 or 2 of their siblings, therefore bedding would be depriving their other siblings. I'm going to hit up the dollar store and see what I can find in the way of towels, but I am soliciting the blogging community for help in the bedding area. Bedding is expensive and if everyone has a linen closet like mine (I have 3 different sets of 'college sheets'), then it shouldn't be a problem coming up with a few old, clean sets of twin sheets and blankets. So if you might be able to come up with something to help, shoot me an email (I'll check on vacation) or drop them off at the mission and notify Ron or Luke that they are for camp bedding.

Pray for our group as we head to camp. Not a single one of our kids has been to an overnight camp and they are a little nervous. Pray that they will feel like they fit in and that God would move within our group and create unity.

I love enchiladas... and the people that make them.

2007-05-21T11:47:00.000-05:00

Last Thursday night was awesome. One of the moms of our kids, Martha Estrada, decided to cook dinner for our Thursday night Rock Island time. I took her to Buy For Less at 5 to buy all the supplies. By 6 we were hard at work in the kitchen. She taught me how to make mexican rice and enchiladas. 3 hours later, at 9, the meal was ready. Mexican rice, mexican potatoes, cheese enchiladas and fried chicken legs. It was so yummy!

My favorite part of the evening was spending time in the kitchen with beautiful Martha and her sister Estela. They were so excited to show us their talent and feel like they were giving back to their church family. We laughed and cried and shared a meal together. A 26 year old mother of three who doesn't speak english and a 30 year old mother of 4 who doesn't speak english or read are some of my best friends and I love it! I think Jesus would be close friends with these women.

My fear.

2007-05-13T21:43:00.000-05:00

This weekend has been filled with lots of praying and lots of worrying for me. God has brought me to a point where I feel completely helpless and must call on Him to fix it all! For those of you who haven't been keeping up with the news....this past week Oklahoma passed the "most sweeping immigration legislation" in the US. It basically pledges to deport all illegals and keep them from getting any public or private assistance such as soup kitchens or clothing stores. To some extent it even prevents churches from helping illegals in any way. I'm very upset about it. To put it bluntly, as I always do, it makes me mad that the suits at the capitol pass a law without every seeing the people that it affects. If they had to look in the faces of the children whose parents are being deported, they might think differently.

I have gotten a lot of questions this week from people who are wondering how this bill (House Bill 1804) is going to affect us. The truth is, I don't have a clue. But I do have a fear. My fear is that people will be getting deported by the dozens. That in itself will be a tragedy, but what some people don't know is that the majority of the kids in our neighborhood were born here in the US and are citizens. However, their parents are not and came here illegally as many as 20 years ago. These families will be faced with a tough issue. Take their kids back to Mexico with them where there is no education or health care, or leave their children here with neighbors and friends. Perhaps the issue that keeps me up at night is the fact that at the end of this summer there could be dozens of children abandoned in the US with the hopes of making their family proud someday or maybe even finish their education and make enough money to send back to Mexico for their relatives. Where will these kids go? Who will they stay with? Who will take pictures of them on prom night or sit in the crowd and cheer as they walk across the stage to receive their diploma?

In James chapter 1 we are called to take care of widows and orphans. Because of that call I know that Cross & Crown has now entered into a new realm of ministry that we have no clue about. But if God leads us there, He will provide the rest. I may be 23 and single, but I'm not opposed to having a few kids by myself if I'm called to do so. Some may call me crazy, but I'm sure people once thought the apostles were crazy. I ask for everyone to pray for the orphans I fear will come from this HEARTLESS law. Pray for Ron, Luke and I as we go into some 50-60 homes in the next few weeks and reassure these terrified families that their children will never go hungry or be without a home.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." -James 1:27

Viva la Mexico!

2007-05-06T17:01:00.000-05:00

For those of you keeping up with the Osvaldo story, he called and checked in this week. This is the 4th time he's called since his family was deported to Mexico at the beginning of March. Everytime I pick up my phone and hear his voice I get a huge lump in my throat. Usually after I hang up the phone I get teared up. I think it's because I feel so helpless. It is a constant reminder that in the big scheme of things I can do nothing physically, BUT I can call upon the Lord on Osvaldo's behalf.. which is the most important.

His voice sounded weary. He is living in Durango with his mom and 3 younger siblings, one of which is a newborn. He has to be the man of the family because his dad is here in the states making money to send home. I asked him if he is happy. He didn't say much, I get the impression he isn't. They are still waiting for the date of his mom's hearing. I feel like he's losing some of the hope he had in the beginning.

The only thing keeping me from driving down to Mexico on the weekends is the fact that there is no male crazy enough to go with me. Apparently it's not a good idea for a single female to drive several hours across the Mexican border on her own. Ha. So... I have come up with a new plan. Or rather a dream. If Osvaldos' family is still in Mexico on September 13, his birthday, I am packing my things along with Luke and Ron and we are taking a road trip. Osvaldo has never seen the beach and Mazatlan is not far from Durango. So I'm starting my dreaming now. We are going to take Osvaldo and his little siblings to the beach for his 15th birthday. Some may say I'm completely out of my mind... just wait and see. In the mean time I ask that everyone pray for the Hernandez family by name. Ask for a miracle on their behalf.

Maria (mom)
Osvaldo (14 years old)
Lorena (9 y.o)
Jose Javier (4 y.o)
Ezekiel (6 months)

My Jesus

2007-05-03T22:20:00.000-05:00

I don't even know what to say about the words to this song. I have probably cried over them 10 times this week. Just read every single word and you will understand.

My Jesus
by Todd Agnew

Which Jesus do you follow,
Which Jesus do you serve
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ,
Why do you look so much like the world

Cause My Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars,
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sands

My Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars,
He loved the poor and accosted the rich,
So which one do you want to be

Who is this that You follow,
This picture of the American dream,
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side,
Or fall down and worship at His holy feet
holy
Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion,
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins,

But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part,
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

My Jesus bled and died He spent His time with thieves and the least of
these,
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable,
So which one do you want to be,
Cause
My Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet,
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
And,
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus

Not a posterchild for American prosperity,
but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus
but I'm not sure what that means to be like
You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You,
love like You but then
You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I wanna be like you Jesus
I wanna be Like my Jesus

Isaiah 61

2007-05-01T00:31:00.000-05:00

For those of you who don't know the story of how Cross & Crown began... I will soon write about it. But for now, I leave you with Isaiah 61. The passage that the mission was founded on. If you never heard anything about us, this passage is all you would need to know. I hope reading this fires you up. Everytime I read this passage, something new and powerful jumps out at me. What jumps out at you?

Isaiah 61

1 The Spirit of the Lord GOD is on Me,
because the LORD has anointed Me
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and freedom to the prisoners;
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor,
and the day of our God's vengeance;
to comfort all who mourn,

3 to provide for those who mourn in Zion;
to give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
festive oil instead of mourning,
and splendid clothes instead of despair.
And they will be called righteous trees,
planted by the LORD,
to glorify Him.

4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins;
they will restore the former devastations;
they will renew the ruined cities,
the devastations of many generations.

5 Strangers will stand and feed your flocks,
and foreigners will be your plowmen and vinedressers.

6 But you will be called the LORD's priests;
they will speak of you as ministers of our God;
you will eat the wealth of the nations,
and you will boast in their riches.

7 Because your shame was double,
and they cried out, "Disgrace is their portion,"
therefore, they will possess double in their land,
and eternal joy will be theirs.

8 For I the LORD love justice;
I hate robbery and injustice;
I will faithfully reward them
and make an everlasting covenant with them.

9 Their descendants will be known among the nations,
and their posterity among the peoples.
All who see them will recognize
that they are a people the LORD has blessed.

10 I greatly rejoice in the LORD,
I exult in my God;
for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation
and wrapped me in a robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom wears a turban
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

11 For as the earth brings forth its growth,
and as a garden enables what is sown to spring up,
so the Lord GOD will cause righteousness and praise
to spring up before all the nations.

"Fun Stuff"

2007-04-27T16:26:00.000-05:00

One of the goals of the youth staff is to find ways to allow our kids to be kids. Most of them live such rough lives that by the age of 6 or 7, childhood is over. From then on it is all about survival and "street cred". Our goal is to create a safe environment where they can relax and forget about the outside world, if only for a few hours.I feel like we achieved that last night. We took 9 of our best behaved Rock Island kids to the Arts festival. For 2 1/2 hours our kids got to leave their 'hood and spend time eating funnel cakes and rolling down massive grass hills.

We left around 5:00 and got there just before the rush. Each kid was allowed to pick out one food item for dinner. After we all got our food we sat down in the grass and had one great big picnic. We had indian tacos, fried pickles, sweet potato fries, fish tacos, and much more. At one point during our picnic I looked around and every single kid was laughing. That may seem normal to those of you who have kids, but laughing is not as frequent in our ministry as it should be. We're hoping to change that.

After our picnic we started walking around and the kids decided that the huge grass hills looked alot more appealing than the art booths, so we stopped and the kids spent a good amount of time wrestling Ron and Luke in the grass and rolling down the hill as fast as possible. More laughter!

We ended the night sitting in the grass again sharing a few desserts like dippin dots, cinnamon rolls and funnel cakes. It was a really good night!

As I was driving home I made a decision that Ron, Luke and I need to spend more time letting the kids do the "fun stuff". I thought I would leave that open to interpretation for anyone who reads this. If you have an idea for "fun stuff" or you would like to be a part of it, shoot me an email and let me know. It may be that you heard the circus is coming to town and you want to let us know about it or you have 4 extra tickets to a Redhawks game and want to throw them our way. Maybe you want to offer to take one of the kids to McDonalds once a month. I'm passing the torch to the blogging community on this and giving you an opportunity to be involved. I believe some of our best ministry time might just come out of the "fun stuff".

"He was bwave and got battized"

2007-04-24T17:58:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure I even have the words or emotional strength to write a blog today. But I know the Lord is leading me to. So I will make this short. How can I not write about such an amazing victory?!?! Luke and Ron will probably each have their own stories about what happened, but I will share my part.

Today two of our most unexpected teens accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior and were baptized. I could explain the journey with these two as a very difficult one. I feel like they are both glaciers that we have been trying to melt with a hair dryer. In the past few weeks though, the Lord has brought a wild fire to those glaciers and completely changed things. It's powerful!

My part of the story is about the first boy who was baptized. He is 14 and has two brothers who are 3 and 5. Yesterday he asked that we pray his little brothers wouldn't have to suffer the life he has. He has lived more in his 14 years than most people could imagine. Abuse, drugs, gangs, poverty... everything! We begged God to intervene and save his brothers, we prayed that he could be a good example and leader in his house.

Today I saw a glimpse of the way God is going to answer that prayer. Before the baptisms we walked down the street and picked up one of the little brothers.. the 5 year old. We then walked back up to the church and this little child witnessed his older brother confess the name of the Lord and be washed in Jesus' blood. The picture speaks for itself. The little boy never said anything the entire time... he was captivated by his brother's example. Afterwards I asked him, "do you know what your brother just did?"... and he said in his tiny voice "he was bwave and got battized" (he was brave and got baptized). I couldn't have said it better myself. Brave cannot begin to explain his brother. Because of his decision he will most likely face ridicule and harrassment from his friends, family and members of the gang he is in. But he stepped up anyway! I don't think he even realized that the Lord began answering his prayer today. He didn't notice those little eyes peeking over the baptistry and that little heart getting it's first glimpse of the power of the Lord.

Savior he can move the mountains.. My God is MIGHTY TO SAVE He is MIGHTY TO SAVE.
Forever, author of salvation.. He rose and CONQUERED THE GRAVE JESUS CONQUERED THE GRAVE!

I'm an "urban hiker"

2007-04-23T21:35:00.000-05:00

Recently I have become obsessed with the book, "Irresistable Revolution". In light of this obsession, Luke, Ron and I have had some discussions about how to step out of our comfort zones in ministry. A big part of this discussion has been the desire to live a day(s) in the shoes of our friends at Cross & Crown.

Today was the first of many ventures to come. It was a small adventure, but it was a definite learning experience. Most of our youth either walk or ride the city bus to school. This was our day to experience what they experience on a daily basis.

Ron, Luke and I met at the metro transit bus stop in Edmond at 6:50 AM!!!! That's right folks.. we had to be ready for the bus 2 hours earlier than we normally wake up! We caught the #37 bus and after many stops, we ended up at the downtown bus terminal. From the bus terminal we walked 2 1/2 miles to work. We reached work at 9:00 am. It was obvious I am not a regular pedestrian or bus rider. Ron and Luke joked that I looked like an "urban hiker". I had a backpack in place of my normally HUGE purse. This was equipped with an umbrella, bottled water, lots of quarters( In case of an emergency and I needed to use a vending machine?!?! ha), hand sanitizer, baby wipes and many other handy items. It was after I reached home today that I realized how big of a dork I am. It's just a bus and I packed like I was hiking Everest.

I must admit, the bus is a thrifty alternative but it is very inconvenient. There were many times today I needed to run an errand but couldn't do so, unless Paul didn't mind if I took 2 hours to jog to the pharmacy 3 miles away. Those problems are minor but what about a single mom who rides the bus to work everyday? This "minor inconvenience" might add 2-3 hours to her work day. Which takes 2-3 hours away from her children.

I'm going to continue challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone and walk a mile (or 2 1/2) in someone elses shoes. If anyone has an idea of what our next adventure should be, let me know. I also challenge you to try the same.

Overwhelmed by the Spirit.

2007-04-16T17:36:00.000-05:00

Before you read this let me encourage you to go a few posts back and read my "Let Grace Abound" blog. That blog was about a kid who I'll call "J".

This morning "J" showed up to Cross & Crown because he got suspended from school for 10 days. Any time a kid is suspended from school, which is often, we encourage them to come up to the mission and do community service. "J" helped carry out boxes all day. At the end of the day I was busy on a project and Ron came and pulled me aside. He took me upstairs and pointed into the sanctuary. There was "J" sitting in front of our baptistry reading the bible. He was reading Romans 6!

Luke, Ron and I started talked to him. I could seriously feel the Holy Spirit from the moment we sat down and I knew that something amazing was happening. This afternoon "J" made the decision to accept Jesus into his heart and tomorrow, on his 14th birthday he wants to be baptized in front of all his Rock Island friends.

The best part was that I got to explain to "J' how we had been praying for that very moment and decision since before he even knew us. I have been praying for "J" by name since I found out he was the kid who stole all the video systems from us. We got to tell him today that God had chosen him long before he even came to Cross & Crown. You should have seen the look on his face... every minute of chaos in ministry is worth that face and that smile. I'm crying right now as I write this and it's not because I'm upset with anything. It's because I am overwhelmed with the the transforming Spirit of God. I can't believe that I get the opportunity to witness the consuming fire of the Lord in such an intimate way.

"J" is perhaps the most charismatic kid in all of Rock Island and in the streets of NW OKC. I can't wait to see the fire that he lights within the ministry. The most unexpected of kids has risen up to lead. I can feel deep down that a revolution is about to rise up in Rock Island...just wait and see.

Sons of the King.

2007-04-11T22:39:00.000-05:00

At times we find it very hard to build the trust of our neighbors. Years ago they saw us as white people from Edmond who just bombarded their neighborhood to pray... now a lot see us as friends and family who love them and are there to "do life" with them, not look down our noses. It has taken every bit of the 6 years we have been open to build that trust.

The hardest people to build trust with have been the men. Most of the women trust us now because they come get food and clothes, attend our bible class and watch us play with/tutor their children. The men on the other hand... that's a whole different story. I think many of them feel we have an ulterior motive. They wonder why anyone in their right mind would waste effort, money and time on complete strangers. But.. they watch their wives. They watch their wives kiss us on the cheek every chance they get and carry their bibles and Cross & Crown notebooks to bible study one morning a week. They watch them come running down to our doctor when their kid has a runny nose and cook dinner with groceries from our pantry. These men sense something different in their wives, but they can't quite put their finger on it.

I have watched many of these men stare and scowl in our direction. I have also watched those scowls be transformed to smiles and waves through the years. They realize now that we don't pose a threat. What they don't realize is that the transformation they see in their wives is the Holy Spirit. I trust that one by one they will realize that. They will see that the new spirit and joy in their wife is Jesus.

If you stand out at the corner of NW 9th and McKinley during a busy day, you can actually feel the Holy Spirit following these women to their homes. They are missionaries and they don't even know it. Missionaries to their children and especially their husbands. I have a dream that someday we will feel the need to have a men's bible study.. that through the example of their wives and the prompting of the Spirit there will be a desire to stand up and be better husbands, fathers and sons of the King.

Our family.

2007-04-10T23:27:00.000-05:00

It seems like I am reminded on a daily basis that my job isn't just a job but more of a family. This week that reminder was a heart-breaker.

We will call the woman "A". I have known "A" since I began my internship 6 years ago, since that time she has blossomed into a precious believer in Christ. I have also watched her children grow up and have come to love them very much. 2 of her children are in our Rock Island group and 1 is in our Underground program. Last August "A" began attending our womens' bible study. I can't recall a day that she has missed and she has really built a relationship with all the women. 8 months ago "A" found out she was pregnant and this was a tough time for her considering her oldest is 16. Still she embraced the coming baby and even had a baby shower planned this coming Saturday... all the bible study women were invited.

Yesterday morning "A" woke up and couldn't feel the baby move, which is an odd thing this late in a pregnancy. She went to the doctor and found out the baby had gone into distress and didn't make it. They started her on meds to induce labor and this afternoon "A" gave birth to a baby girl that had already gone to be with the Lord. I know if you are a mother and reading this, and even if you aren't a mother, your heart is breaking. It's hard for me to even type this, because this is such a painful subject, but I share this story with you to share the powerful ending.

Yesterday when "A' found out about losing her baby, she came straight to Cross & Crown, even before she went home to tell her blood relatives, that is the FAMILY OF GOD. Today she asked Martha Bryant to be there when she delivered the baby, that is the FAMILY OF GOD. Her first thought after receiving the horrible news yesterday was that she wanted Paul to do a memorial service, that is the FAMILY OF GOD. Today when I called up to the hospital to check on her I was told that there were tens of twenties of women there, all neighborhood women from her bible study at the mission, that is the FAMILY OF GOD.

I don't get up every morning and drive down to Northwest Oklahoma City to go to work. I get up every morning to spend time with my brothers and sisters in Christ... my family. To God be the glory!

2 Corinthians 12:10

2007-04-04T23:31:00.000-05:00

Lately I have felt like instances at work have really helped me notice my weaknesses in ministry. I always hear "focus on strengths and not weaknesses", which is true, but I also think that it's important to look at areas where I lack and try to better myself. I've been that type of person my whole life. Everything is black & white, if there is a problem you just fix it. That doesn't work with everything though.

Some areas I'm not that great in are working a fax machine older than I am, getting finger prints off the stainless steel appliances in Rock Island, maneuvering the 15 passenger mission van thru 10 inch wide alleys , and understanding street slang such as "dawg" and "playa". Those areas are not a big deal and can be fixed, but I'm finding that some of my weaknesses in ministry are not easy solves. One area that has been especially challenging for me lately is patience with promiscuous teenage girls. This is ironic because some may say I seem strong in this area. The key word is "seem". I feel like I say all the right words to the girls caught up in this lifestyle. I feel really bad and get emotional when I realize the true source of their insecurity such as sexual abuse or lack of father involvement. The outer Chandy works well with this subject, the inner Chandy struggles. I struggle to not be annoyed by the way that some of them dress (they don't leave much to the imagination) or the way they throw themselves at boys. What's interesting is that I don't hold the boys to the same standard in my mind. If they are a little too flirty, I just chalk it up to the fact that they are a teenage boy. Now, before you start worrying about me banning all girls from Rock Island, you must know that this is only a battle of my mind and I can feel the Lord transforming it more and more every day.

I could sit here and list all my other struggles but then I would have a blog as long as the ones on lukesfoodforthought. (Sorry Luke!) Ha. Something interesting I read tonight in a little devotion book really encouraged me and I hope it does the same for you,

"Why does God use our weaknesses? Because when He does, He gets all the glory. If God only used your strengths, other would look at you and either be jealous (Why didn't I get that talent?) or discouraged (I'll never be like that!). But when God uses you in spite of your weaknesses, it gives people hope. They realize "God could use me too!" Your weaknesses are not an accident. God deliberately allowed them in your life for the purpose of demonstrating His power through you."

Let Grace Abound!

2007-04-02T21:15:00.000-05:00

About 6 months ago someone broke into Cross & Crown and stole 5 Gamecubes and about 30 games from the Underground ministry. We soon learned who the thief was and although he was not one of the teens involved in our ministry, we felt betrayed. A few weeks later the "culprit" showed up at Rock Island and wanted to come in. It was a tough judgment call for us but we decided that because this teen was a threat to our kids..we should tell him no for the evening and think about it. It's so hard to explain how tough it is to draw lines with the kids. We want them to know that the Lord accepts anyone, but we also have to think about safety and accountability. Since that night, we have all been feeling a major burden over our decision. We have spent a lot of time in prayer over what to do with this kid. Most every time we meet he walks past and glances in our direction but we haven't talked to him since. I will admit that he is veeeeeeery intimidating.

A few weeks ago he showed up and wanted to come in. We didn't want to let this moment pass and this time, invited him in. As I was serving him dinner, I told him how glad I was that he was there and then just went into a full blown sermon about God's grace and forgiveness and that although we knew what he did, we love him. I have no idea why I did that. In most cases the kid would be completely freaked out and run off. He sat there and there was dead silence so I went back to cooking, all the while thinking how I shouldn't have started preaching so soon after his arrival. A few minutes later I feel a tap on my shoulder and as I turn around I'm staring into the eyes of the culprit. "I'm glad you let me come in, thank you." He even prayed out loud in our group prayer and prayed that God would keep him out of trouble.

I am so thankful that God's grace and forgiveness has no limit. I need it everyday just as much as the culprit. A friend recently told me "I'm beginning to realize that without the grace of the Lord I am a worthless pile of poo". That may be a funny way of saying it... but it is so true. The Lord's grace washes over me 70 times 7. I am new every morning, great is thy faithfulness.

Chicken Nuggets and Chain Prayers!

2007-03-28T20:18:00.000-05:00

There are days in ministry when I feel one disappointment after the other! I go home and am disheartened in the effort to help the kids of the neighborhood. These are usually the days that are filled with fist fights, promiscuous teenagers or a cuss word repeated one too many times. It is in these times that the Lord stops me in my tracks and reminds me in one way or another that I'm not at NW 9th and McKinley to save the world. I'm there to love. That's it...and very simple. Love them with the love of the Lord.

Yesterday was a CRAZY day. It began at 9 in the morning and ended at 11 in the evening. All 14 hours were filled with chaos. I won't go into the details of the chaos but one of the events involved Luke, Ron and I peeling a horde of kids off of each other in a mass jumping. Despite some of the rough things, at the end of the day I was able to look Ron and Luke in the eye and tell them "today was a good day". They looked at me with faces of horror but I was able to do this because of one event.

The Hornets donated some tickets to us for the Mavs game last night. We invited some of the kids and were excited about the trip because none of them had been to a Hornets game before. We had intentions to cook dinner at Rock Island before we left but we ran out of time so we headed down the street for a healthy meal at Mickey D's. My mind was still racing from the day as I ate my food. I paused my thinking just long enough to look up and choke on my grilled chicken! There, in the middle of a McDonalds on NW 23rd were 5 of our so-called "street kids" holding hands and having a chain prayer! I sat in awe as every single one of them prayed aloud! They didn't care who saw them or how their "gangsta" friends might have thought they looked. They were just spending some time with the Lord right there in the midst of our day. Now, I have to be encouraged by that. We may not be saving them from drug lords and gang wars but I truly feel that I would have never seen that a month ago. The Lord is changing hearts and lives a little bit at a time and it is good!

Love your neighbor "Mother Teresa style".

2007-03-25T22:48:00.000-05:00

The book "Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne has not only caught my attention but won my heart. It has now moved to number one on my all-time favorites list. This is a huge deal because I've read it all. So basically it is now number one on a list of 7.4 million. I will probably reference this book in many blogs to come. Partly because I've cried my way through the entire book and partly because Claiborne is a genius. Read it... it will change your life.

In case most of you didn't know, I have a major obsession with Mother Teresa. I have read all the books and seen the movies of her life. I read about her because deep down I want to be her. I want the kind of commitment and compassion she had. Saying all this, I thought I would share a quick story I read last night in "Irresistible Revolution" after I wrote my "Love your neighbor" blog.

Claiborne had an opportunity to serve as an intern in Calcutta to Mother Teresa right before she died. Wow~! This short paragraph is an exerpt from the book about a "love your neighbor" experience with her.

"Mother Teresa was one of those people who sacrificed great privilege because she encountered such great need. People often ask me what Mother Teresa was like. Sometimes it's like they wonder if she glowed in the dark or had a halo. She was short, wrinkled, and precious, maybe even a little ornery, like a beautiful, wise old granny. But there is one thing I will never forget-- her feet. Her feet were deformed. Each morning in Mass I would stare at them. I wondered if she had contracted leprosy. But I wasn't going to ask, of course. 'Hey Mother, what's wrong with your feet?' One day a sister said to us, 'Have you noticed her feet?' We nodded, curious. She said, "Her feet are deformed because we get just enough donated shoes for everyone, and Mother does not want anyone to get stuck with the worst pair, so she digs through and finds them. And years of doing that have deformed her feet.' Years of loving her neighbor has herself deformed her feet."

Good stuff.

Love your neighbor.

2007-03-24T23:15:00.000-05:00

I truly believe I have learned some of life's most precious lessons from my friends in the community surrounding Cross & Crown. In the midst of poverty, addiction and broken homes are the most gentle-spirited people I have ever met. I hate to confine that description to one culture and race, but I will... I have fallen in love with hispanic mothers and am blessed to spend time with them daily. When Jesus said "the meek shall inherit the earth(Matt.5), he was talking about these women.

The most beautiful lesson lately has been the fact that these women truly live out what it means to "love your neighbor as yourself". I know one mother who quite often has a growling stomach because her neighbors children have nothing to eat. She takes her almost empty pantry & stretches it to feed 10. Another great example is the bible study. When one woman shares a prayer request and cries over her burden, all the women weep together with their sister in Christ. These hispanic women are so strong. They keep clean homes, raise sometimes up to 10 children alone, feed large masses of friends and family, try to scrape finances together, hold big parties of celebration for every occasion and love on everyone they come into contact with. All while living in a country of people who tell them they don't belong. They smile and kiss me everytime they see me, ask me about my family, pray for me and cook me amazing food. They do all this for ME, a person from a race that completely rejects them. They love their neighbor.

I am very bold about my love for these women. They are my close friends and sisters in Christ. So my question is this, do YOU love your neighbor as yourself? Do you embrace other cultures? Do you try and understand why someone would leave their friends and loved ones behind to try and build a better life for their children? Would you do the same if you were in their shoes? Have you ever smiled at, hugged or kissed your latino housekeeper or do you just ignore them and keep your distance because they don't speak your language? Do you shout hooray when Bush passes bills closing the border and kicking them out? If you feel like I am talking to you... then maybe I am. The bible never said "love your AMERICAN neighbor".

All about me.

2007-03-21T11:13:00.000-05:00

I found myself being very overwhelmed yesterday. We opened the Rock Island House for Spring Break. What was intended to be a couple of hours for middle school/high school ended up being 4 hours for all ages. In all we spent time with well over 60 kids. For the first hour I was by myself, it was 1 vs 60 and I was very frustrated. I tried not to clue the kids in on my stress as I made hot dogs and tacos for all.

At the end of the day I went home and collapsed. I was grumpy and exhausted and as I was sprawled out on my couch I started to think... only a few months ago I remember praying that God would send new kids for us to minister to. He has definitely answered that prayer and blessed us more than we can ask or imagine. A huge guilt swept over me... so many times I pray specific prayers and God answers them in obvious ways. Instead of spending time praising God for his blessing, I move on to the next thing on my prayer list. It's almost like I present a shopping list to God of everything I need, as he anwers them I check them off and say thanks and then move on.

Is that really the way it should be? The Creator of the Universe listens to me and blesses me and I just give him a quick glance. I'm going to try to spend an entire week, from today until next Wednesday, spending my prayer time praying thanks and praise. I wonder if it's possible to put aside "me" and what I want for an entire week. It's a good challenge to try...spend an entire week using your prayer time to just praise and thank the Lord. I'm going to try it but I have a feeling in a few days something will come up and it will go back to me. Ok...that's my rant for the day. I'm out.

Grand Theft Auto..not just a game!

2007-03-18T21:46:00.000-05:00

While some teenagers spend time on the weekends playing the game "Grand Theft Auto", one of our Rock Island teens was actually arrested for the crime. The game has become all to real to us and a new aspect of our ministry has now been introduced. Prison ministry. I don't have details right now but this week we will most likely visit one of our 12 year olds in juvie who was arrested Friday night for stealing a car. The sad thing is... I'm glad he's there. I know he's better off there than he has ever been before.

When something like this happens I want to blame the kid... but is it really his fault? Yes, he will take responsibility for it, but I want to know where his parents were? And what kind of home does a child grow up in that causes him to steal cars, sell drugs, or carry a gun at the age of 12? Maybe we should open "Rock Island Sr." It would be a community center for parents that actually keeps them out of trouble and teaches them how to take care of the children that they brought into this world. Can you sense my sarcasm? I'm kinda frustrated right now. I'm sure I'll regret this post tomorrow.

Now... if you are a parent with a rebellious child, I am not being judgmental. Please don't email me and plead your case for why you are a good parent. I'm not blaming you. But, I do know that, in our situation, while our kids are getting in trouble their parents are sitting in front of the tv, out playing bingo, or smoking a joint on the front porch. I have a problem with that.

God 3 Satan 0

2007-03-14T22:50:00.000-05:00

Today Osvaldo called from Mexico. Hearing his voice on the phone and knowing the family is okay brightens my day and lifts a burden. He sounds happy...mainly because he is with his mom. Definitely a momma's boy. She was talking in the background and asked him to tell everyone at Cross & Crown thank you for helping their family.

I asked if his family needs anything. Even if they did, he would never ask for a thing. He is very grateful for what he has. Most likely there are alot of things his family needs. I told him that a special person had given me $100 of their emergency money for his family. You should have heard the sound of his voice. He gasped... "100 WHOLE DOLLARS". I have a feeling that money will feed their family for the weeks and months to come. He was very excited... and thankful.

In recent blogs about Osvaldo I have shared two miracles. Today his miracle is that the carpenter his dad worked for here in Oklahoma City called and offered him a raise to come back. So his dad is coming back here to work until the hearing next month. That's right.. God is setting up one thing after another to completely bless the lives of the Hernandez family. I'm not sure if Osvaldo could describe to anyone what the word "faith" means, but I see that word in him. His faith is SO STRONG... he has been in the pits and the Lord has rescued him. He believes in the power of the Living God, that is true faith.

I'll end it with this... if the family makes it through all these impossibilities and is allowed to be re-united here in Oklahoma City then we are throwing one HUGE "God is awesome" fiesta. Everyone in the blog community is invited. I'll keep you posted.

I surrender all? Really?

2007-03-13T23:04:00.000-05:00

Last May I walked across the stage to receive my college diploma and I was ready to take on the world. I packed my bags and moved back here to Oklahoma City. The following week I drove down to the corner of NW 9th and McKinley to begin a career. To my surprise, the so called "job" I took with Cross & Crown really isn't a job at all. It is a complete lifestyle shift. And, to tell you the truth, I wouldn't change it for the world. I know that I am in a very unique situation because every morning when I get up I'm actually excited to go to work.

A few mornings ago I went into work armed with my cup of coffee and a burden on my shoulders. I was ready to talk to anyone that would listen and Ron just happened to be that person.

The burden I shared with Ron is this...
Is it possible to pour yourself out completely to inner city ministry and not feel detached from the rest of the middle class world?

I don't know the answer. I'm probably going to have to take a poll of other inner city missionaries to find this out. I do know this... every day when I go about my life, whether it be starbucks with a friend, jogging on the treadmill or a family dinner, there are a million thoughts that consume my mind. Did "Marco" pass that math test today? Has "Joe's" family found a place to live yet? Did "Maria" decide to keep the baby? It's midnight on a school night.. are our Rock Island kids still roaming the streets? Did "Jose" manage to make it another weekend without going to jail? I haven't figured out how to calm all those thoughts. I know that God brings peace that passes all understanding but I also know that the Holy Spirit has placed a burden on me for the broken-hearted. How do I balance the two?

My "normal" life seems so unimportant now. Less than a year ago I was consumed with romantic relationships, my college grades, the dents in my car and how I was going to lose the dreaded 10 lbs. for swimsuit season. All of those things seem so trivial now. Most times when I go out with friends I feel like they don't get me and we have nothing in common. How could they sit and talk for hours about Britney Spears shaving her head when there are toddlers 5 minutes away that are going hungry because their mom used her grocery money to buy crack?

By writing all this, I'm not judging any one's priorities or saying that my friends are superficial. That's not the case at all. If you saw what I see everyday, the same thoughts would consume you too. I just want to know if it's possible to be a middle class missionary or is God calling me to completely surrender my comforts and luxuries to live like a true servant? I'll update you on what conclusion I come to as I study. I close with the words to this song... they were written in 1896 but they ring more and more true to me every day.

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In his presence daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken,
Take me Jesus, take me now.

I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

"Chandy...we got our miracle"

2007-03-09T09:41:00.000-06:00

I think I always knew the day would come when I would be writing this exact blog. I just didn't know it would come so soon. My heart wasn't ready. The past year has been a series of emotional experiences for me. I graduated college and left my friends behind, sent a boyfriend off to war, ended a long-term relationship, began a new job and moved in with my parents. Despite all that, without a doubt, this has been the hardest thing emotionally.

To get the full story of what I'm talking about, read Ron's blog. I just want to share a small part of the story that means the most to me. Osvaldo is a staple at the mission. If I don't seem him at least once during the day, I know something is wrong. I have known Osvaldo for about 4 years. In those four years we have spent a lot of one-on-one time praying. When he was 11, we prayed for him to be a good big brother and help at home. When he was 12, we prayed that he would make good friends in middle school, at 13 we prayed for him to stay out of trouble on the streets and at 14.. our prayers completely changed. We prayed that one day his family could be together again. Many times we specifically prayed for a miracle. Last May his mother was deported to Mexico leaving behind a husband, 20 year old son, 14 year old son, 8 year old daughter and 4 year old son. At the time she was 3 months pregnant, so they now have a new brother.

This past November I sat down one day and talked with Osvaldo. He told me how he was illegal here in the states and therefore couldn't cross the border to see his mom or he would be stuck. We knew that because of the current political situation there wasn't a chance he could get a visa anytime during the next 3 years. We prayed for a miracle. That Thursday night in bible study time with the youth we all prayed for a miracle for Osvaldos family. On Saturday I got a phone call from Osvaldo, "Chandy, a visa came in the mail for me today!" Apparently his mother had applied for a visa for him years earlier before all the turmoil had happened. He didn't even know about it. And it just happened to show up on Saturday. Osvaldo got to reunite with his mom on Christmas day after nearly 8 months apart. That was Osvaldo's first prayer miracle.

Fast forward to last Tuesday night. Osvaldo comes down to Rock Island and tells us that his family will leave this weekend, for good. They can't stand to have their family apart anymore. Their family has been told by numerous immigration attorneys there isn't a chance in the world his mom will ever get a visa and if she does it will be at least 5 years. Osvaldo doesn't want to go because he knows there won't be any school and at the age of 14 he will begin a manual labor job that will last him a lifetime. I spring into action with my own plan, thinking that if I can just adopt him then he can stay here. Ha. "Hi, I'm Chandy, a twenty-two year old single missionary with a 14 year-old mexican son!" God was probably laughing when he saw me thinking this. His plan was so much bigger. His dad didn't agree and Wednesday afternoon we spent time with Osvaldo and his little brother and sister before hugging them bye. They left for Mexico Wednesday evening. When you see a teen who is normally tough on the streets in an uncontrollable sob, you will know what it's like to have a broken heart. All day Wednesday I prayed and asked people all over Oklahoma and Texas to interceed for his family. I wouldn't be over-estimating to say there might have been up to 1000 people praying for his family that day. We prayed for a miracle. Thursday morning I receive a call from Osvaldo. I was surprised to hear his voice... "Chandy, we're at the border, we're safe." I was glad that he had called and sad at the same time.. I got a lump in my throat just hearing his voice. "Chandy...something else"... I wait... I am embarrassed to say that I expected the worst.. even after all the prayers. "Chandy... the immigration attorney called this morning and INS is going to have a hearing next month to let my mom back in the country.. we got our miracle". Chills covered my whole body and I started to cry.. I asked him to repeat it again. I wasn't sure if I heard him right. He repeated the same thing again. This attorney had no idea that his family was leaving the country, yet he calls right in the middle of their departure. Osvaldo's voice was shaking.. I know in that moment the power of the Spirit was waking him up. If you don't believe in miracles and the mighty power of our Lord to fix anything... you are officially banned from reading my blog.

I don't know what's going to happen now. I know for a fact that they are going to stay with his mom in Mexico until she can get back in. I may never see the Hernandez family again, but I sure hope I do. I do know one thing... God took a completely bleak situation and stole the heart of a teenager in Northwest Oklahoma City. I know one day I will see that huge grin in heaven. He brings hope to the hopeless, strength to the weary and love to the broken!

Our God, He is a consuming fire!

2007-03-06T12:00:00.000-06:00

I would be failing in my job as a blogger if I didn't mention what is going on in the adult bible study. What started as a 5-6 person study one day a week in our AA room has now evolved to a 30-40 person study two days a week in our sanctuary. There is even a study by Dr. Amanda Madrid that meets on Monday evenings at 4 in one of the neighbors homes.

I am a little tentative in saying this, but I have grown up in the church and I have NEVER seen the hunger for the word like I am seeing from these women. When we arrive at work in the morning, there are probably a dozen women waiting outside (despite the weather) just so we will open the doors and let them in to study the bible. They are bringing friends and family. We are doing nothing but providing the place and the Lord is doing the rest.

We have had many baptisms since the study began and in the past week we have had 3. Let me explain what a baptism is like here. I could say one word... POWERFUL! It isn't a formality with a question and a quick dip. It's a worship to the Lord... the women sing and lay their hands on each other, they call out to the Lord in every language, they raise their hands and fall on their knees, and they weep. A baptism with these women is not for the faint of heart.. it's a transformation. A woman named Mary was baptized yesterday and when she came up out of the water she cried out in Spanish, "I'm covered in the blood of Jesus!" I can't explain the obvious presence of the Spirit in words....it's just there.

I write all of this to say. I WANT THEIR PASSION! I want to lose all my inhibitions in the presence of the Lord. I want to lay myself down at his feet, literally, like some of these women do. I want to cry out for him and weep to him. Some of us have lost that. When we first began our walk with the Lord, we had that fire. We've lost it somewhere along the way... I want it back. OUR GOD HE IS A CONSUMING FIRE!

Praise God!

2007-03-03T19:01:00.000-06:00

There are times when I feel so overwhelmed it is very tough to write down my thoughts on here. This would be one of those times. So I will share a small part of the HUGE transformation going on in our teen ministry right now.

We have been averaging about 10-15 kids every Thurs. night for bible study. This past week we had about 25. I have no idea where they come from, but when the doors open at 6 there are teens just walking in off the street. Praise God! On Thursday night we all gathered together in the living room of the Rock Island house. Luke has a definite gift of relating to the kids and this week he took it to a whole new level by playing 3 different rap songs and pulling scripture out of those songs. If you've never seen 25 street teens being quiet all at once and listen to someone read the inspired wordof the Lord... you are missing out. The spirit was so obviously sitting in the room. The best part of the night came during our prayer time of course. We did a chain prayer and once again I was surprised. In the living room of the Rock Island House at least 20 different kids prayed out loud! I can't explain it... there was power in those kids calling on the name of the Lord and it was exciting!

CALL UPON THE NAME OF THE LORD AND BE SAVED!

Deja Vu...

2007-02-25T22:31:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had deja vu? You know... the weird mind thing where you see something and you think you've seen it before. That happened to me tonight.

On Sunday nights we let all the kids hang out at the Rock Island House from 7-9. As I was making hamburgers in the kitchen, I looked out the window to the back patio and saw the most amazing sight. There, in the back of a house, in a neighborhood, in perhaps the roughest part of Oklahoma City were at least 10 kids playing basketball outside in the dark and they were laughing so hard! It was just a moment when I could tell everything in the world (gangs, drugs, violence, addiction) seemed so far from their minds. It was deja vu for me and I couldn't remember where I had seen it before. Then it hit me... I had seen it in my dreams. I had dreamed of a picture of our kids playing together, laughing together and feeling safe together.

I was so excited to see that dream come true tonight. Next on the list, to watch at least one of them walk across the stage and get their diploma. God is good all the time!